


Impossible Dreams

by ChiefDoctor



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-03 17:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1752083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiefDoctor/pseuds/ChiefDoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has just found out something impossible that will greatly impact her relationship with Matt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Dream a Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Her eyes flutter open taking in her surroundings. Her hand immediately goes to the swell of her belly. She can’t be sure it doesn’t feel like she’s pregnant. Looking over to her nightstand she sees the pregnancy test and the pamphlets from the doctor. She sighs comforted in the fact that she is indeed with child. It wasn’t a dream. She still can’t believe that she could be pregnant at her age and with all of the fertility issues she has had. This is truly a miracle, her and Matt’s miracle. ‘Matt!’ Sigh!

 

He is her miracle too. She never thought when she walked onto the set of Who three years ago that she would fall in love with the shows star. He was so young. She never gave it a possibility …..until she looked into his eyes that first day and fell immediately for him. Of course she would never act on those feelings. She couldn’t have survived his rejection and of course he would reject her. Why would he be interested in someone nearly twenty years older than him?

 

She instead chose to be his friend and his mentor. It was both wonderful and torture at the same time. Everyday they grew closer depending on each other for both emotional support and physical closeness. Ok, maybe it was just her needing the physical closeness (or not).   It was common knowledge that Matt had no boundary of personal space. He would easily hug a stranger as well as a friend and she couldn’t resist his full body hugs. He was always touching when he talked or standing too close and his shoulder rubs were legendary on set.

 

Alex delighted in whenever their skin came in contact causing her heart to race a bit more. While they were at read-throughs he would lean into her or touch her hand. Surely he had to notice the gasp that emitted from her. He never said anything about it. Each day he would bring her tea and their fingers would linger as he passed it to her. Their eyes would lock for seconds at a time but they would say nothing. Whenever they went out with their friends Karen and Arthur, Matt always sat next to Alex or Alex sat next to him. It was unspoken but expected.

 

Things might have continued like that forever it if it wasn’t for that fateful night in Utah a year ago. Coming to America shook things up for the actors and the crew. They didn’t have the familiarity of Cardiff or even London. This was an epic vista that had been the sight for classic movies such as Indiana Jones and Forest Gump. That alone heightened the senses making everyone feel the importance of these episodes being shot here. Normal routines had to make way for new ones.

 

Alex hadn’t realized that she was doing anything differently but Matt did. Oh yes, Matt did. They had gone to a local pub on their first night there. Karen had insisted that they needed to experience local culture so that is how they ended up in a honky tonk dive bar with little more than bar stools and a faded dart board. After several pints there was the obligatory dart game. Alex had insisted that instead of the usual girls versus boys that she was teaming up with Matt, leaving Karen to team up with Arthur.

 

With each dart (and each drink) Alex’s touches on Matt increased. He didn’t seem to mind returning her touches with his own. By the end of the game they were practically groping each other. It wasn’t until about ten minutes after the game was over that they looked around to discover that Arthur and Karen had left. A bit embarrassed they headed back to their hotel Matt’s arm around her shoulder and hers around his waist. For anyone who knew them they would not have thought it unusual.

 

When they stopped in front of her room, Matt leaned against the wall staring longingly at her. She rested her head against the door, her hand rubbing up and down his chest. He reached out pulling on her curls. This was a familiar gesture. His hands were always in her hair. This time however he reached through her curls pulling her head towards his as he bent down taking her lips in his.

 

Her mind exploded! She had thought about this for so long and had to be content with their on screen kisses but this was him and her and no one else. She leaned into him her arms sliding up his chest and around his neck. Pulling him tighter to her she played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Their lips never stopped tasting each other, their tongues exploring one another. His hands began to roam her body taking in her curves. Her hips began to grind into his pelvis and she grinned with his obvious reaction to her.

 

She pulls him into her room. It doesn’t take them long before they have shed each others clothes showing each other again, and again how much they desire the other. They woke the next morning entangled in one another a loud pounding echoing in the room. “Oi! Alex, are you in there? The van is ready to leave!”

 

They both sit bolt upright staring at the door and then at each other. She rushes to the door talking through it to Karen on the other side. “Oh Karen, thank you for waking me. I overslept. I’ll have to take the next van out.”

 

“Are you sure? You’ll be late for hair and makeup.”

 

Looking over to Matt, she smiles. “I’m sure. It can’t be helped.   Please give them my apologies.”

 

With that Karen says ok and presumably heads to the van without her. She crawls back into the bed wrapping herself around Matt. He is so warm.

 

“So? I suppose we need to get going or we’re going to miss the next van too.” He says, his arms around her, brushing her nose with his.

 

“I suppose so.” She says quietly, her head tucks under his chin.

 

“Hey Alex, look at me.” He coaxes. She looks up at him waiting for him to shatter her dream. She had her night with him. She can’t expect for more than that.

 

His fingers lace through her hair as his eyes look softly upon her. “I know we have a lot to talk about. This…” He gestures between them. “was so unexpected but don’t think for one moment that this isn’t something I wanted…..do want.”

 

“What are you saying?” Her heart full of hope betrayed by her eyes full of hurt.

 

“I’m saying I don’t want this to be a one time thing. I’m saying I want to…….I guess the right word would be to date you.” He’s put his heart out there for her. He can only hope she doesn’t crush it.

 

“You….you want to date me?” She looks at him with wide eyes sure she misunderstood.

 

“Yes, yes I do.” He runs his finger down her nose, his other arm around her waist caressing the top of her arse.

 

She lowers her eyes from his. “You mean you want to have sex with me?”

 

“Well…..yes….both!   Can’t we do both?” His fingertip lifts her chin so he can see in her eyes once more.

 

He can see the disbelief in her eyes. She has been hurt by so many; it is so hard for her to trust. “Alex, we have been good friends for nearly two years now. We enjoy doing things together, we have the same weird sense of humor, and we have both been flirting with each other hoping one day we would end up here.” He indicates the bed. “I lo..like you….possibly more than like and I think you like me as well. I don’t want us to just be friends anymore. I want more with you ……and I think (if you admit it) you want more too.”

 

Her eyes pierce through him trying to see into the future, to not make another foolish mistake. But there are no visions, no guarantees; she must take a leap of faith. She smiles and leans into him kissing his lips. “Yes.” It is almost a whisper against his lips.

 

“Yes?” He pulls back to look at her.

 

She nods almost shyly at him. “Yes.” A grin takes over his face as he gathers her into his arms turning her on her back kissing her languidly. Pushing him gently, “Darling, as much as I would love to do nothing else but stay in this bed all day with you we both have a job to do….and we are already late.”

 

His forehead falls to her chest. “Agghhh! You’re right………but when we get back we are not leaving this room.” He kisses her again.

 

“You’ll get no objections from me, darling.” She kisses him pulling him from the bed. “Come on…. shower.” He looks immediately delighted. “We’re late remember!”

 

“Kingston, must you take all of the fun out of it?” He pouts.

 

She saunters to the bathroom sans anything looking over her shoulder to him. “Not _all_ of the fun, darling.” She purrs. He practically leaps off the bed to join her in the shower.

 

It doesn’t take Karen and Arthur long to see the difference in how they are with each other. They confront them before they even leave Utah. Matt and Alex are relieved to share their news with their close friends. They decide they should let Steven know when they are back in Cardiff. It’s another six months before they tell their families. That was over a year ago.

 

They never worried about protection. Why would they? They were exclusive and she couldn’t get pregnant (so she thought). So it was another impossible day when she went to the doctor because she wasn’t feeling well only to be told she was six weeks pregnant. She was in London at the time going to auditions; he was in Cardiff filming Who. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to tell him but not on the phone – no she wanted to see his face. Skype wouldn’t be enough either – it had to be in person. She made arrangements to take the train to Cardiff, having Owen, the Who driver, pick her up to take her to the flats where they all lived.

 

Through Steven she learned that Matt should be done filming between 8 and 9 that night. Before dropping her off she had Owen stop by Tesco so she could pick up a few groceries. Letting herself into his flat she quickly stowed the groceries and put her suitcase in the bedroom. The trip had been exhausting and she laid down for a quick nap. Waking two hours later she began to panic. She wanted everything to be ready before he came home.

 

Racing around the kitchen she was able to assemble the meal, toss the salad, and set the table. She had picked up sparkling water instead of wine; now she worried that he would know immediately. Before she had much time to consider this she heard his key in the door. Opening the door he paused realizing something was different. He smelled beef, potatoes, onions and there was a candle on the little dining table. His eyes light up at the possibility. “Alex?” Emerging from the kitchen in an apron she says, “Welcome home darling!”

 

Within two strides he is across the flat taking her into his arms. His lips on hers and hers on his. Their bodies mold together as if one. She has always been amazed how perfectly they fit together like he was made just for her and she was made just for him. Of course the coming months might change that and suddenly she is quite nervous to share her news.

 

He leans back drinking in the sight of her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

 

“Well, it wouldn’t have been much of a surprise if I did!” She gave him a flirty look.

 

He pulls her closer. “It is a fantastic surprise!” Kissing her soundly. Leaning back, “Now what are those glorious smells I smell? Cause there hasn’t been the scent of anything but take away in here since you left.” She laughs and swats his chest.

 

“You know darling, I really should teach you how to cook one day.” She saunters into the kitchen.

 

“Why? I could never cook as well as you do anyways.” He compliments her as he follows closely behind.

 

Alex serves up the dinner of beef roast, potatoes, and carrots with a thin gravy on the side. Matt seems a bit surprised by the sparkling water instead of wine but she waves it off by saying she is taking medication. After dinner they move to the sofa where he begins working on his dessert – Alex. As much as she is enjoying his kisses as they work their way down her neck she stops him. “What Alex? Did I do something wrong?” His hurt expression nearly persuades her to wait to talk later but no she needs to tell him now.

 

“No darling, you didn’t do anything wrong. You in fact did something very, very right. Something that I thought was impossible.” He looks at her with no idea of what she is talking about. She looks happy though so he waits for her to tell him. “Matt you have made me the happiest woman on the planet this past year.” He smiles at that. “We were both idiots for so long loving each other but afraid to act on it. I am so glad that we finally told each other how we felt, and….” She pulls him closer. “I am so glad that we enjoy being with each other as much as we do.” She kisses him, a slow chaste kiss. “Everything that has happened this past year has convinced me that we were always supposed to be together. That we were meant for each other.”

 

He chuckles. “Alex, are you asking me to marry you?” She blushes.

 

“No, but……..” She breaks their gaze, taking her tongue between her lip as she does when she is nervous.

 

He tips her head back up so that he can see her face, a serious look overtaking his own. “Alex, what are you trying to tell me?”

 

She hesitates before blurting out. “I am trying to tell you that you are about to become a father!”

 

If she had hit him with a cricket bat he wouldn’t have been more stunned. “A father? Alex, how am I about to become a father?” He looked at her incredulously.

 

“Well when two people love each other very, very much ……..” His eyes widen.

 

“You mean…. you’re? How?” She looks at him beaming.

 

“I guess you’re just that incredible! You have accomplished what IVF and thousands of dollars could not.”

 

“So you’re really pregnant?” He looks in her eyes for confirmation. “We’re having a baby?” She smiles again and nods her head gently. He scoops her up in his arms, tears streaming down his face dripping on her hair. He hears a gently giggle from her.

 

Pulling back he is a sight, tears streaming down his face, a grin broader than the Earth itself, and his eyes are dancing with joy. A little embarrassed by the tears he quickly brushes them away mumbling something like “humany wumany”.

 

She holds on to him as he slowly begins to process this new life revelation. Her heart is so full that he is happy about this. She couldn’t be sure. Of course they didn’t plan it, didn’t even think it was a possibility to plan for. They hadn’t much discussed children. The thought that she couldn’t give him a family always made her so sad she didn’t bring it up. He knew her medical issues trying to get pregnant with Salome. He knew that being with Alex meant giving up on their having children of their own. She was worth it. He never brought it up either.

 

Now as they hold each other they need to make plans for the future, their future, and their baby.

 

 

After several minutes he lessens his hold on her to look in her eyes. “Is it safe Alex?”

 

“What do you mean? Is what safe?” She looks at him with confusion on her face.

 

He pulls back further taking her hand in his while his other settles on her abdomen. “Will it be safe for you to carry a child?” He looks so scared as he asks.

 

“Matt!” She reaches out to him cupping his face making him look at her. “There are no guarantees. The doctor seems to feel with proper monitoring that things should be fine but my history of miscarriages is concerning.”

 

“But is it safe for you Alex? I would be so thrilled to have a baby with you but not if I lost you.” His eyes glisten with tears of joy and fear.

 

“Darling it is as safe for me as would be for any other forty-eight year old woman. I know that this will be a high risk pregnancy that is why my doctor suggested a specialist.”

 

“When’s your appointment?” His voice is tight.

 

“I haven’t made one yet. I wanted to tell you first.” She caresses his cheek trying to reassure him that it will be alright even when she has no idea herself.

 

“I’m coming with you.” His tone is commanding.

 

“Matt that’s silly. You need to be on set. You don’t need to come with me.”

 

“I’m coming Alex.” His eyes pierce her soul and she knows this is important to him not him being polite or honorable.

 

“Ok, we can make the appointment together so we can work around filming.”

 

A large breathe leaves him, “Thank you Alex”, as he folds her into his arms. “Alex?”

 

“Yes?”

 

He whispers into her ear. “We’re going to have a baby!” She smiles.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Her doctor had given her names of specialists in London and Cardiff. They agreed it made most sense to see a doctor in Cardiff since that is where Matt will be for the next 7 months. They were able to make an appointment for the day after tomorrow. Until then she wanted to bask in the joy of impending parenthood without all of the harsh realities that was sure to come.

 

Matt was so innocent in this process but she has had far more experience much of it ending in heartbreak. Getting pregnant was a miracle. Matt was a miracle. Maybe they could have one more miracle…a baby.

 

They had agreed they wouldn’t tell anyone until they had spoken to the doctor. Matt was having a terrible time keeping it inside. Karen was suspicious. She knew something was up. Matt was even more bouncy than usual. His smile alone could have lit up all of London. She decided it was her duty to find out. Sauntering up to him at the tea trolley she caught him off guard. “So Matt what’s got you so lit up today?” He whirled around forgetting about the tea in his hand spraying it all over Karen. She stood there shocked as the tea soaked into her costume and her hair. “Oh my god Smithers! Can’t you ever control those limbs?” She pulled the shirt away from her skin as she made her way to the costumes department. Over her shoulder she yelled, “Oi! Stupid Face! You owe me!” He knew he did; he was just a bit concerned as to what she would exact as payment.

 

This didn’t seem to be the end of his misfortunes for the day. He kept forgetting his lines by getting sidetracked thinking about them becoming a family. His mind kept creating moments in the future that he would be having with Alex and his child. He was so distracted that he managed to fall over three cables, knock over a light box, and disengage two levers from the TARDIS console. Basically the crew were ready to kill him. They were all relieved when filming was over for the day.

 

Matt couldn’t wait to get home to Alex. ‘Get home to Alex.’ He loved the sound of that. Bounding up the stairs his heart raced in his chest as he turned the key in the lock. He heard her first humming a tune. It was coming from the kitchen where there was also fantastic smells coming as well. He stood there taking in the sight of her immersed in the joy of cooking. He snuck behind her wrapping his arms around her waist.

 

“Oh Matt!” She turns around and swats his chest. “I didn’t hear you come in. What are you doing home so early? I thought you were filming for another hour or so.”

 

“Well I think they thought it was safer for all involved if we gave up for the day.” She looks at him with a questioning stare. “I may have been a teeny bit distracted today.”

 

“Oh no, what happened?” He relayed to her his day starting with Karen, the ridiculous amount of takes for every scene, and then the equipment issues. “Oh, I would say it was probably best for all involved to get you out of there.”

 

“The bonus is I got to come home to you…earlier.” He leans down capturing his lips with hers letting her know how glad he is to be home. She shoos him out of the kitchen making him sit on the couch with the remote in his hand “where you’ll be safe, darling.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Their appointment for the doctor is early in the morning since he needs to be on set by noon. He sits while she fills out page after page of medical history. He tries looking through the magazines but they seem to be all geared toward woman. “You’d think that they would have a least one magazine here that a man would read. Surely I can’t be the first bloke to come in here.” She snickers at him as she completes the forms.

 

The appointment goes pretty much the way Alex had outlined for him. They took blood, checked her blood pressure, and heart readings. Then it was time for the exam. For the actual exam he stepped out of the room waiting in the hallway. When he was let back in the doctor was getting ready to perform an ultrasound. At two months that required an internal probe. His face scrunched up as he saw what the doctor had in his hand.

 

He held her hand as the doctor inserted the device then pointed to a tiny blob on the screen announcing it as their baby. Now he was no expert but that didn’t look anything like a baby to him. Then the doctor turned on the sound and the echo of the baby’s heartbeat reverberated in the room. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat. It sounds strong.” His grip on her hand became tighter.

 

She looked up to see him transfixed by the screen and tears rolling down his cheeks. She couldn’t help letting out a giggle. He looked at her a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I was going to be so cool!”

 

“Crying while listening to your baby is definitely cool!” He leaned down and kissed her.

 

After the exam, the doctor spoke to them in her office detailing all the possible risks, the precautions Alex would need to follow, and things for them to look out for. For now Alex’s appointments would be once per month but they should expect them to become more frequent the closer to the due date. “What is the due date doctor?” Matt speaks up.

 

“It looks like you will be expecting a new addition to your life about June 18th. Although since this is a high risk pregnancy, the possibility of that being earlier is greater.” He reaches over to grab her hand. The doctor hadn’t told them anything they hadn’t expected, well at least anything that Alex hadn’t expected. The doctor seemed optimistic that Alex would be able to carry to term but caution them both that there would be complications along the way.

 

After their appointment he drove her back to his flat before heading to the studio. Kissing him good-bye she says, “Please darling take it easy on the equipment today. I don’t want the crew to lynch you. I…we”, She places her hand on her belly. “need you.”

 

He kisses her more fiercely. “For you” he places his hand over hers on her belly. “and you I can do anything.” She kisses him one more time before leaving the car and heading up to his flat. He keeps his word. Somehow he is able to keep his focus for the rest of the day and no equipment or props (not to mention co-stars) were damaged in his wake.

 

 

That night he talks to her about telling people. This is difficult for a number of reasons. Only their close friends and family even know there dating. So far it hasn’t been made public and they were rather enjoying their privacy. Of course as he points out the baby isn’t a secret that they will be able to hide for long.

 

For now she agrees they need to tell Steven since he will need to adjust some things to either move up the taping of her episodes or write her out of them. He also reasons that they had better tell Karen and Arthur or they will never hear the end of it. Besides he thinks it might help if they have someone else to talk about this with.

 

With their plan in place he walks her back to their bed where he carefully makes love to her. They continue to caress and touch for long after as they talk about the possibilities of their future. “I love you Alex”. He places a passionate kiss on her lips.

 

“and I love you Matt with all my heart.” He holds her tight as they fall asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day she accompanies Matt to the studio. They keep an eye out for their Scottish boss as they have big news to share. Alex and Matt are chatting with several crew members when Steven comes up behind them. “Why Ms. Kingston, I didn’t know I would be seeing you today.” He says brightly.

 

“Hi there Steven.” She says as she turns and gives him a hug.

 

“Hey Steven, could we talk with you a bit?” Matt inquires, a bit nervously Steven notices.

 

“Um, yeah, sure. Is now good?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Your office?” Steven nods, more than curious as they follow him up to his office. Steven sits behind his desk as Matt and Alex settle into the chairs across from him.

 

“So Matt what’s going on?” He has been studying Matt and then Alex for clues to this conversation. He smiles cause he thinks he knows what this is about……..he is so wrong!

 

Matt’s looking quite nervous. He’s not really sure how Steven will take this news. It will mean they will need to publically acknowledge their relationship and that will definitely impact Who. Plus Alex will probably not be working for much of this season which will most likely impact his plans as well. “So…well Steven…..Alex and I have some news.”

 

Steven takes in their faces. They look like they are desperately trying to suppress a grin and he surmises what is going on. He interrupts, “So is this you telling me that you are making the lovely Ms. Kingston your wife for real?” He smiles thinking he has uncovered their spoiler.

 

“Um…uh…what? I mean possibly….no more like probably but we haven’t discussed that yet. I mean I’m sure we will.” He looks over to Alex. “Won’t we?”

 

She takes pity on him putting his hand into hers. “I’m sure we will darling but not right now.” He nods grinning nervously. She looks back towards Steven. “What Matt is so eloquently trying to say is this is not an engagement announcement.”

 

Steven leans forward on his desk, “So what is this about then?”

 

Rubbing her hands over each other in her lap she bites her bottom lip before looking Steven in the eye. “This is about something that neither of us ever thought would be a possibility and were a bit overwhelmed at the moment and a bit giddy and………..well; we’re having a baby!”

 

You could have knocked Steven over with a feather. He had not even entertained that as a possible outcome of this conversation. He looked over to Matt who was now beaming and looking straight at Alex. Gathering himself together he gave out a “Whoop!” and came around the desk to shake Matt’s hand and fold Alex into a hug.

 

“I am ecstatic for you two…well I suppose three now!” They all laughed at that. “Oh so this is going to mean a bit of a change of plans I suppose.” They can see the wheels in his head spinning with new or different outcomes to the stories ahead.

 

“Yes, we thought it might. You’re actually the first person we’ve told.” Matt’s voice is sounding a little stronger than earlier.

 

“Really? The first? Wow, I’m flattered. You might not want to mention that to your mum though.” He pokes his chest. They laugh.

 

“Absolutely!” Matt looks a bit stricken realizing that his mum might never forgive him when she realizes she wasn’t the first person to find out.

 

“So before I start making plans, how do you guys want to handle this?” Steven asks shifting back into business mode.

 

“Well I should be able to film for another couple months but most likely not beyond that.” Alex tells him.

 

“But no stunts! And high wires! And running! And high heels!” Matt interjects and Alex glares at him

 

Steven laughs at him, “So should we put River in a rocking chair then or would that be too dangerous?”

 

“No, but Steven…” He moves closer to Alex putting one arm around her shoulder and the other around her belly. “Alex and this baby are the most important things in my life and I would protect them with everything I have.” She leans into him kissing his cheek.

 

“I understand Matt, absolutely. It goes without saying that the health of Alex and your baby comes before anything else.” Looking to Alex, “What does your doctor say?”

 

“Well she acknowledges that this is a high-risk pregnancy both because of my age and my past history with miscarriages. At this point in time there isn’t anything indicating we can’t have a happy, healthy baby.”

 

“Ok, well let me look over what we have planned and see what we need to rework. We may need to move around some filming to be sure to get your scenes done while we can. So why don’t you two go spread the happy news while I do just that.” He turns to head back around his desk.

 

Matt speaks hesitantly. “Um, actually Steven…..we were kinda hoping you’d keep this to yourself for right now.”

 

Turning back to face them, “So your not announcing this?”

 

It’s Alex who answers. “Not just yet Steven. There are still too many things that could go wrong. We’re not ready for people to know yet. We agreed to wait until after the first trimester to tell our families. As far as publically…..” She looks over to Matt. “we’re just not ready for that yet.”

 

“or ever!” Matt adds.

 

“I understand. I do, just be careful. You don’t want this story coming out some other way.”

 

“Yes, we understand the risks. It’s just….” He looks over to her. “we’re still getting used to all of this ourselves.” Steven nods in understanding.

 

“Just let me know if there is anything you need me to do.”

 

“Thank you Steven. Really, it means so much to us to have your support.” Alex leans over kissing his cheek.

 

As they exit his office hand in hand Matt let’s out a sigh of relief. “That went better than I thought it would.”

 

“Why did you think Steven wouldn’t be happy for us?”

 

“No, I knew he would. I just thought he might not be too happy that I knocked up River Song!” They both laugh heartily as they walk towards hair and makeup. Alex didn’t need to be on set today but since she was here she might as well say hi to everyone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They meet up with Karen in hair and make-up. Karen teases her about having to bring the ‘husband’ to work. After more good natured banter Alex invites her and Arthur to Matt’s place for dinner tonight. Always up to a Team TARDIS gathering she readily accepts, and adds “stupid face will be there too. It’s not like he’s got anything else to do.”

 

Catching up with Matt as he exits costuming, she kisses him goodbye before heading back to their flats. Letting him know about their dinner plans, she needs to stop at Tesco, and prepare dinner for tonight.

 

She hears his key in the lock as she is checking on the lasagna. The wonderful smells of a home cooked meal fill his nostrils as he enters his flat. “God Kingston, you are so spoiling me with all of this glorious food.” He comes up behind her wrapping his arms around her. “If I wasn’t already in love with you…..” The rest of what he was going to say is lost as he nuzzles her from behind leaving light kisses against her throat.

 

“Darling, don’t start something you can’t finish.” She teases.

 

“Oh, I have every intention of finishing!” He turns her in his arms capturing her lips in his deepening the kiss immediately. Sometimes it takes him by surprise how much he desires her, it’s like an overwhelming need that only she can satisfy.

 

Pressing her hands into his chest she parts from him. “Darling, I think you have forgotten we have guests coming.” He freezes then drops his head against her shoulder.

 

“Can’t we just send them away?” He whines.

 

She giggles at him. “Matthew, that would be rude and besides we invited them. You do remember why, don’t you?”

 

He straightens up looking in her eyes for a moment before they descend to her belly where he places his hand. “How could I forget?” His face lights up with delight. Just as he leans in for another kiss there is a knock on the door. “Ugghh! Kaz has the worst timing!”

 

She smiles at him as she points him in the direction of the door while she continues to work on dinner.

 

Karen and Arthur arrive together each carrying two bottles of wine. Alex worries how she will explain her not drinking before they tell their friends their news. Seated around the small table they enjoy each others company as well as Alex’s delicious cooking. They didn’t seem to question her taking medication as to why she wasn’t drinking tonight.

 

After dinner they moved to the lounge where Matt sat on the arm of the sofa next to Alex. He seemed particularly nervous and couldn’t get his legs to stop moving. “So Smithers what’s got you so jumpy over there?” He didn’t answer only looked down at Alex giving her a smile.

 

“Well isn’t it obvious Kaz?” She looks over to Arthur with confusion on her face. “They invited us here for dinner…..not just drinking and hanging out. They have something big to tell us or should I say ask us?”

 

“What?” Now Matt was confused.

 

Arthur sat up straight in his chair and puffed out his chest. “Well Matthew…” He said in his best stuffy voice. “If you want to marry our daughter I think it is only proper that you ask her father for her hand in marriage.”

 

Karen whipped her head from Arthur to Matt and Alex. “Is this what this is? You guys are getting married?” Karen was trying to suppress her glee, badly.

 

“Um…no…uh” He leans down whispering into Alex’s ear. “We really need to talk about that subject later.”

 

Alex looks a bit stricken at the thought but hides it well. Taking charge of the situation she looks over to Karen and Arthur. “Um we did ask you here to tell you something but it has nothing to do with marriage.” She looks sideways at Matt.

 

“Then what? Come on out with it!” Her Scottish patience was wearing thin.

 

“Um well…..mum, dad ….your going to be grandparents!” She decided to try for a light hearted approach to the announcement.

 

“Wha-at?!?” Sputtered Arthur and Karen together.

 

Matt took Alex’s hand in his looking at her with such love in his eyes. “Alex is going to have a baby….we’re going to have a baby!” He can barely contain his excitement.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god!” Karen jumps to her feet. “Really?” Alex nods and stands as Karen approaches her hugging her profusely. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this!”

 

“ _You can’t?_ You should have seen my face when the doctor told me! Who would have thought at my age and with my fertility issues that I would get pregnant?”

 

Coming behind her, Matt wraps his arms around her his hands cradled across her stomach. “Our miracle!” He nuzzles his head into her curls as he beams to his friends about their news. Arthur shakes Matt’s hand in congratulations and hugs Alex kissing her on her cheek.

 

Quickly Karen and Alex start talking about shopping for baby stuff and possible names for the little tyke leaving Matt and Arthur to move onto the balcony unnoticed. Arthur immediately lights up a fag looking out over the parking lot of their flat complex. He turns to Matt. “Wow, a baby!”

 

Rubbing his hand around the back of his neck he looks over to Arthur, “Yeah….”

 

“So how you really doing with all of this?” He asks as he blows smoke rings into the air.

 

“Well surprisingly ok. I mean it was a shock, not something either of us had even thought was a possibility, you know?” Arthur nods. Matt comes over to where Arthur is leaning against the balcony railing. He leans down resting his arms on the railing as he looks out at the horizon. “I mean I always had thought that one day I would be a father but then I fell in love with Alex.   It was one of the reasons she didn’t want to get involved with me. It killed her that she couldn’t give me a child. It saddened me that we wouldn’t be parents together but Salome is a great kid and I love her to pieces. I accepted long ago that she would be the only child Alex and I would have. This….this is ….a miracle.”

 

Arthur turns patting his friend on the back. “That it is my friend. Now I don’t want to seem insensitive but is it safe for Alex to have a baby at her age?”

 

Matt rested his chin in his hands. “I know. I’m worried about the same thing. As much as I would love for Alex and I to have a baby – not if it puts her at risk. I…I can’t lose her.”

 

Arthur puts his fag out in the bucket of sand Matt keeps there for him and Karen’s habit. He leans on the railing looking over to his friend. “But is it safe for her?”

 

“I went to the doctor with her. I didn’t trust her to tell me the truth if it wasn’t. She was so over the moon when she told me. The doctor thinks that everything will be fine but because of her age and her previous miscarriages she will monitor her closely.”

 

Arthur turns to watch the sun as it slips below the horizon. “Well that’s good.”

 

“Yeah, I hope that the doctor is right. As much as want a baby….not if it takes Alex from me.”

 

“So since I’ve already ventured into delicate territory………are you two getting married?”

 

Matt smiles over to Arthur. “You do know that you aren’t her real father don’t you?”

 

“True, but her real father isn’t here right now so I’ll have to do.” He stands up straighter giving Matt a disapproving stare.

 

“Down there Daddy Pond. This has all happened so fast we haven’t discussed that subject yet. Of course I want to marry Alex. I’ve wanted that for a long time but she has never seemed ready for that step before. She’s been married twice and I think the fact that neither of them ended well has soured her on the prospect of marriage.”

 

“Maybe having a baby together……”

 

Matt nods at him. “Yeah, I’m hoping.”

 

Arthur slaps him on the shoulder. “Well good luck with that!” Matt laughs with him. He knew that marriage wasn’t something she was anxious to do again but he hopes she will see things his way now that they are becoming a family.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As they snuggle into bed that night he considers bringing up the idea of marriage with her. She has different ideas. “Well Karen and Arthur seemed happy for us.”

 

“Yes, they did. Um, Alex I was thinking….” He looks over to her, her eyes shut, her breathing already slowing to sleeping rhythm. He leans over kissing her lips gently. “I love you Alex.” He wraps his arms around her pulling her back to his chest his chin rests against her curls. Soon he is fast asleep dreaming about the future with his family.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It took almost two weeks before he was able to find the right time to talk with Alex about the subject of marriage. There just didn’t seem to be the right time to bring it up. Finally they had a few days off. They had gone in for her checkup and everything was going well, although tired Alex had been feeling well. When they came back she talked him into taking a nap with her. Not needing as much rest as her, he laid there watching her sleep after he woke. ‘God, she is so beautiful and she is carrying my child, our child.’ He couldn’t help the smile on his face.

 

He was stroking her arm when she woke turning to look over at him. “Hey there.”

 

“Hey there yourself sleepyhead.” He leaned over kissing her gently. He pulled back just looking at her, his fingers gently tugging on her curls. She smiled. He was always touching her hair when he was near, especially when he had something on his mind.

 

“What are you thinking about darling?” She reached up resting the back of her hand against his cheek.

 

“Marry me?”

 

“What??”

 

“Marry me Kingston? Make me the happiest man in the world.” He hadn’t planned on just blurting it out. The plan was to ease her into the idea, talk about the idea of marriage. But she looked so beautiful, and all he could think about was that this was his family and he wanted them with him always.

 

“Um….uh…um….”

 

“I know the idea of marriage scares you but I’m not them. I would never be them. I will always take care of you….and our child….and Salome. Always Alex. I love you so much and I want this….for us. I want us to be family….you, me, Salome, and this baby.”

 

She sits up looking down at him. ‘God he looks so happy right now. I love him with all my heart but marriage, again?’ “Matt, I…I…don’t know what to say.”

 

“Say yes…”

 

“I…I…don’t know that I can.” He would like to have said that he wasn’t surprised at her reaction but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

 

“Alex…” He reached up for her tugging on a curl, caressing her cheek before his hand slid down her arm entwining his hand in hers. “I know you’re scared. I know you believe that you’re not good at marriage but you’ve never been married to me.” She giggles at him. “Well, it’s true I would be a delight to be married to.” He teases her.

 

“I’m sure you would be darling. You’re not the problem, I am.” Her other hand is balling up the blanket as she speaks.

 

“Alex! Don’t ever speak about yourself like that.” He sits up to take both her hands in his leaning over he kisses her softly on the forehead. “Alex, look at me.” She looks up with sad eyes willing herself not to cry. “Hey, hey, hey!” He pulls her into his lap rubbing circles across her back.

 

“You are the most magnificent person I have ever met. From the moment I met you I knew you were special. You have this way of making everyone around you feel happy.” He tilts her chin up so he can look into her eyes. “I love you.” He kisses her nose. “I will always love you.” This kiss lands on her cheek. “I will always be here whether you say yes or not.” He kisses her forehead. “Because we are connected you and I….and that happened long before this little poppet came into our lives.” He kisses his fingertips and places them across her belly. “I want us to be a family, a proper family but only if that is what you want too.”

 

This time he kisses her lips slowly at first but as she opens to him his passion for her comes through. When they part for breathe she is looking at him so intensely as if she is looking into his very soul. Cupping his face a smile blossoms on hers. “Yes.”

 

Her answer was so quiet he wasn’t sure if he heard her or he was still wishing it. “What?”

 

She giggles at him. A little louder, “Yes, I will marry you.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Yes!”

 

He wraps his arms tightly around her kissing every part of her he can. “Oh god Kingston, you have made me the happiest man in the universe.”  
  
They celebrate by making love imprinting themselves on each other’s skin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At her three month checkup the doctor is pleased with her weight gain and she hasn’t had any physical issues except being tired. They are both thrilled to see how their poppet has grown when the doctor does an ultrasound. Matt even thought it was looking less like a blob and more like a baby.

 

When they get home they decided that Christmas would be a good time to tell their families about the baby……and their engagement.

 

They had decided that the wedding should be small just family and close friends. When they told Karen she went into wedding planning mode almost immediately. He’d complain but it has taken the stress off of Alex. Anything that eases Alex’s stress he was all for. He convinced Alex that Valentine’s Day would be the perfect day for them to get married. They just need to let their families know…..yeah no stress there.

 

They go to his parents first on Christmas Eve. He is so excited: it’s Christmas, their engaged, and their having a baby. He can’t think of anything better. They decide to tell his family on Christmas Eve. Everyone is sitting around the lounge having eggnog. Matt snuck into the kitchen to make Alex’s without alcohol.

 

Reaching over he takes her hand. “So Mum, Dad Alex and I have something to tell you.”

 

His mum, dad, sister, and granddad turn their attention to him and Alex. He pulls her hand into his lap rubbing his thumb over her skin hoping it is calming for her. “I asked Alex to marry me and she said yes!”

 

“Oh my goodness!” His mum jumped up as did they and she hugged them both congratulating them.

 

His dad shakes his hand and then hugs Alex welcoming her to the family. His sister, Laura was bouncing on her feet and couldn’t wait to embrace them both. “I finally get a sister!” Slipping out of the room unseen his dad returns with a tray filled with champagne glasses. Popping the cork he immediately pours the bubbly wanting to celebrate his son’s impending nuptials.

 

Alex and Matt share glances with each other realizing that they will need to share all of their news at once. He had originally wanted to wait for Christmas Day for that announcement. “Um Mum, Dad we have a bit more to share as well.” He looks over to Alex who smiles at him giving him a nod. “Now it isn’t the reason at all but it is still pretty exciting anyways.” He hesitates.

 

“Well, out with it you numpty.” His sister admonishes.

 

“Um, Alex and I are having a baby!” You could have heard a pin drop six miles away. It was safe to say their news was a shock and not at all suspected.

 

“I don’t understand.” His mum finally broke the silence. “I didn’t think that was possible.” Her gaze traveled back and forth between Matt and Alex.

 

Alex squeezed Matt’s hand, and then walked over to Lynn. “We didn’t think it was possible either. It’s why we hadn’t been taking any precautions; we didn’t think it was necessary.” She takes Lynn’s hand and rests it on her stomach. “Somehow we made a miracle.”

 

Lynn can feel the little baby bump and starts to cry. She pulls Alex into her arms. “Oh my god – a grandchild!”

 

His parents, especially his mum were thrilled about the baby and the impending wedding. Of course, his mum had to pull out his baby pictures and embarrass him thoroughly to Alex. She thought they were adorable. Even told him she hopes their child is as cute as he was as a baby. He smiled rather brightly at that.

 

Telling her parents went a little differently. At the news of the engagement, her parents were quite happy. They liked Matt. Of course they worried that he was so young but he had proven himself to them over this past year and half.

 

The reveal that they were having a baby however threw them for a loop.   They felt that Alex was putting herself in too much danger. Her mum outright accused Matt of putting Alex up to this. Before they had even sat down to dinner her mum hid in her room, her dad snuck off to the shed, and Alex fussed around in the kitchen. No one was speaking to each other.

 

Matt didn’t think he knew what to say to Margarethe so he decided to try talking to Anthony. Kissing Alex on the cheek he ventured out into the shed. Her dad was sanding a long piece of wood when Matt opened the door. Anthony nodded to him but returned to his task. “What are you making?” Matt tried to start the conversation.

 

“A new station for the train set.” He answered quickly.

 

“Cool!” Anthony had shown him his train set the last time they had been up. He keeps it set up in the attic so he can add to it and tinker with it when ever he wants. Matt wanders around the shed looking at various projects that Anthony has been working on.

 

After several minutes he finally stops, leans against the bench, and looks over to Anthony. “You know I wouldn’t do anything or let her do anything that would take her away from me.” Anthony stops his sanding and looks up at Matt. “We didn’t plan this, I swear. As much as I want to have a baby with Alex – not if it puts her in any danger.”

 

“I’m sure you mean that son but she’s a stubborn one. She would take all the risk in the world if it meant she could give you a child. It was her one regret in being with you.”

 

“She regretted being with me?” Matt looked ashen.

 

“No, she thought you would regret being with her since she couldn’t give you a child.” Anthony explained.

 

“Well that’s silly. I’ve already told her I accepted that Salome would be our only child. I told her I was fine with that.”

 

“Did you miss the part where she’s stubborn?” Anthony teases. They both chuckle.

 

“I am worried about her too. I have gone to all of her doctor appointments so she can’t sugar coat anything. I have researched on the Internet and gotten literature from the doctor. With careful monitoring, the doctor feels that this is doable and safe.”

 

“I hope your right.”

 

“So do I.”

 

They managed to make it through Christmas dinner. Margarethe joined Alex in the kitchen to finish the dinner. Her mum made a point to not talk about the baby. When they were getting ready to leave Margarethe pulled Matt to the side for a word. “You take care of her, you hear me.”

 

“I will, of course.”

 

“If anything happens to her you will have to answer to me. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes ma’am.” She then surprised him by pulling him into a hug. She then went to hug Alex before they left.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With the holidays behind them, time seems to be flying by. The wedding is only about two weeks away. The plans for the wedding are coming along well. Karen and Nicola seem to have everything well in hand. Matt is getting more excited everyday. Her doctor seemed pleased at her four month checkup. It seemed like they were getting everything they wanted….marriage …..and a baby.

 

She is nearly four and half months along when she is meeting Matt in London for dinner. Earlier she and Karen had chosen the flowers for the wedding and met with the caterer. Matt had been at meetings at the BBC most of the day.

 

He, or course, is running late. Alex fiddles with the cutlery while waiting for him to arrive. Her phone lights up to his face. “Hello darling, where are you?”

 

“Hi sweetheart. I am so sorry the meeting took forever. I am on my way there. I should be there in ten.”

 

“Ok darling, I’ll be waiting. Love you.”

 

“I love you too. Bye.”

 

Ten minutes passes, then fifteen, almost twenty and he’s still not there. She thought about calling him but he was probably stuck in traffic. As the maitre de sits the couple next to her she overhears them talking about an accident just down the block that had traffic all congested. She relaxes – that is why he is late.

 

Something keeps gnawing at her though, an uneasy feeling in her stomach, something telling her she needs to leave the restaurant. After another ten minutes she does, leaving a few bills on the table for her drink. As she leaves the restaurant she sees the flashing lights down the block. She’s drawn to them, afraid to know why. As she approaches the accident she sees his car. It’s his Audi, she’s sure of it.

 

Clutching her belly she approaches the officer closest to her. “Um officer, I think that may be my fiancé’s car. Can you tell me is he alright?”

 

The officer looks at her hand protectively over her belly and walks her over to the detective in charge of the investigation. “Detective, this lady says she is the driver’s fiancée.”

 

The detective recognizes her right away. “Aren’t you Alex Kingston?”

 

“Yes, yes I am. Please tell me was that Matt in the car? How is he?” She is becoming more anxious by the minute. She notices there is an ambulance sitting nearby.

 

“Um Ms. Kingston. I can confirm that Matt Smith was driving the car over there.” He points to the crumbled Audi.

 

She becomes frantic. “Well where is he? I want to see him. Is he alright?”

 

“Ms. Kingston, I’m afraid he didn’t make it.” Her knees buckle underneath her, the detective catches her just in time before she falls to the ground.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

It’s been over a month since the funeral but Alex seems to be living in a world of denial. She has convinced herself that Matt is just away, either at a convention or filming somewhere. Her doctor cautioned her family and friends from challenging her with the truth right now. She is in a fragile mental state and is nearing the last trimester of her pregnancy. She is going to need all her strength for the physical demands of the last three months of this pregnancy.

 

Everyone is worried about her. Arthur, Karen, and Nicola are in constant contact making sure at least one of them stops by each day. Having been warned not to challenge her delusion about Matt they have to pretend each day that their friend is still alive. It is difficult for all of them but they believe they are honoring Matt by taking care of Alex and his unborn child.

 

Normally she doesn’t go anywhere alone. Karen or Nicola usually accompanies her to her doctor appointments, and Arthur always takes her grocery shopping. On the spur of the moment she decided to go look at stuff for the nursery. Coming out of a store she is approached by a reporter, one of the gossip rags. The reporter tries to act sympathetic asking her how she is doing since Matt’s death. Alex of course argues with the reporter that Matt isn’t dead.

 

Thinking she is somehow helping she pulls up an article about his fatal accident on her tablet showing it to Alex. Confronted with the truth about the father of her child, she becomes hysterical screaming at the photographer before collapsing on the sidewalk. She is rushed to the hospital. By the time Nicola arrives at the hospital with Arthur and Karen; Alex has already slipped into a coma. The doctor cannot be sure if this is a temporary or a permanent condition. At the moment both Alex and the baby are at risk.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	2. A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Her eyes flutter open taking in her surroundings. Her hand immediately goes to the swell of her belly. She sighs comforted in the fact that she is indeed with child. It wasn’t a dream. She still can’t believe that she could be pregnant at her age and with all of the fertility issues she has had. This is truly a miracle, her and Matt’s miracle. ‘Matt!’ Sigh!

 

It’s moments like this in the quiet of the morning that she remembers back to how this happened…..how her and Matt happened. They had danced around each other for four years, from the moment they met. For the longest time she had tried to convince herself that it was all harmless fun, their flirting and the sexually charged innuendo. But she had only been kidding herself, trying so hard to keep her distance from a man nearly twenty years younger than her.

 

Her friend Jen had told her once, “The heart wants what the heart wants. You can’t help who you fall in love with.” Determined to prove Jen wrong, she started dating again…..one disastrous date after another. It was like the universe was laughing at her. For months they would be on opposite sides of the ocean barely communicating, except for a few texts here or there. But as soon as she would see him again she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

 

At the wrap party for ‘The Name of the Doctor’ it seemed like this might be their last time working together. Matt was planning to leave after the Christmas episode and Steven hadn’t talked to her about being in either the 50th anniversary special or the Christmas episode. The cold reality of them never seeing each other again took her a bit over the edge. Overwhelmed with feelings she headed for the open bar in an attempt to stop the feelings.

 

Just as she was ready to throw back her third vodka Matt sidles up behind her speaking low in her ear. “Hey there wife, care to dance?” Suddenly the urge to not feel is replaced with the urge to feel everything.

 

Turning to face him her smile is bright. “It’s about time husband. I was beginning to think you had forgotten me!” She admonishes him as she lets him take her hand leading her to the dance floor.

 

“Forgotten you! Kingston, I’m wounded! I could never forget you.” He pulls her close to him as he sways her to a slow song. “Ever!” He whispers into her hair.

 

She tightens her arms around him as they dance. The dance feels bittersweet. As much as she is relishing being in his arms; it also feels like good-bye. ‘I don’t want a good-bye.’ She thinks as she nuzzles into his chest.

 

“I don’t either.” He lets slip as his arms pull her tighter to him.

 

“What?” She looks up at him in confusion.

 

Slowing them almost to a stop he looks deep into her eyes, “I don’t want a good-bye either.” She realizes that she must of said her thoughts aloud.

 

She started to panic until she realized he was looking at her in the same way she always looked at him. ‘Could he really?’ She thinks to herself. The vodka made her bold as she reaches up on her tiptoes to speak into his ear. “Would you like to get out of here?”

 

He is beaming at her when she pulls back to see his reaction.   “Oh god yes, Alex!” Within moments she is dragging him from the party. As soon as the door shuts in the taxi his lips are on hers. They barely realized they have traveled so caught up in the taste and feel of each other.

 

Stumbling from the car they manage to make it inside his flat before she has her way with him. The first time they didn’t make it past the front entryway and with very few clothes shed. By the second most of their clothes were on the floor leaving a trail from the front door to the bedroom. They still never made it to the bed as his need for her only allowed them as far as the wall inside his bedroom. By the time they made it to the bed they were ready for a slower pace, taking the time to explore each other, bringing each other close several times before finally tipping over.

 

Waking the next morning turned into a hurried, frantic good-bye. She couldn’t miss her flight or she would miss Salome’s recital and she still had to finish packing. Although he wanted to take her to the airport himself she insisted it would be better if she took the hired car that would be picking her up to take her to the airport. Reluctantly he agreed, kissing her for the last time inside his entry where it had all begun for them less than eleven hours before.

 

That was almost four months ago and now she is carrying his child. When she remembers their time together she feels guilty for not letting him know about the baby but then it’s not like he’s made much effort to be with her. The last time she heard his voice was when he left a voicemail asking her to call when she landed. She did but was only able to leave him a voicemail as well.

 

He hasn’t called, neither has she. Oh she has thought about it…..so many times. She felt foolish. She was sure that it was a one time thing for him. She was too old for him to have real feelings for her. They are back to occasional texts every few weeks.

 

She nearly picked up the phone the day she came back from the doctor. The day she found out she was pregnant! She was shocked, scared, and yet delighted. She wanted to share all of that with him but something stopped her. Fear. The fear of him rejecting her, the fear of him not wanting the baby, the fear that the baby wouldn’t last. With her history of miscarriages the outcome for this pregnancy, coupled with her age made it unlikely she would carry to term. She decided it was best not to say anything. She sees no reason to tell Matt since there most likely won’t be a baby anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She had managed to keep her pregnancy to herself…..well and Salome. Hiding her numerous bouts of morning sickness had been impossible. Salome was getting so distraught that her mother might be seriously ill Alex felt it was best to tell her the truth. Her daughter has been very supportive to her throughout all of this.

 

When she told her, Salome immediately asked who the baby’s father was. She had refused to say which only fueled Salome’s suspicions all the more. For quite a while she suspected that her mum and Matt were more than friends. When Salome outright asked her if Matt was the baby’s father Alex went crimson. Although she denied it, Salome felt she already had her answer.

 

Alex kept fairly close to her home in LA these days. There was always the possibility of being photographed so she ventured from her home only for the necessities such as groceries and her doctor appointments. Her agent kept bombarding her inbox with auditions but she politely declined stating that she needed to spend time with her daughter. She couldn’t help but feel that she wasn’t this sought after _when_ she was available to work!

 

When Karen moved to LA Alex had been thrilled that they could still keep in touch. This turned out to be her undoing however. Where most of Alex’s friends would never consider stopping by to see her without calling first; Karen had no such protocol.

 

She was about four months along, her baby bump looking decidedly more like a baby and not just extra weight. Expecting a delivery from the pharmacy she didn’t think twice when she answered the door. “Alex! Hello!” Karen bounced excitedly on her doorstep before stepping in to give Alex a hug. Pulling back Karen had an odd look on her face but she didn’t say anything as Alex ushered her to the kitchen where she occupied herself making tea.

 

Karen was staring at her, watching her every move only speaking to answer Alex’s questions. Alex sensed that her secret was out, Karen was never this quiet. When she handed Karen her tea, she finally spoke. “Alex, I know this may sound a little crazy but are you pregnant?”

 

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth she hesitated, taking a sip of her hot tea before answering. “Um, yes Karen I am.”

 

Karen just stared at her, her mouth open, looking like she was going to drop her tea mug. Carefully Alex removed the mug placing it on the counter to avert disaster. “You’re pregnant?”

 

“Yes, four months along.” She turned placing her hand over her baby bump showing it off. Despite all of her concerns that the baby might not make it to term, or about how it came about she was fairly excited that she was pregnant. With her fertility issues combined with her age it was so unlikely how could she not be thrilled for her little miracle (and Matt’s). She decided not to think about his part in all of this at the moment.

 

Despite being determined not to let on who the father was; Karen guessed immediately. “What!?! What would make you think its Matt’s? Matt and I? That’s ridiculous!”

 

“Me thinks the lady dost protest too much!” She said picking her tea mug up again. “Honestly Alex it’s not like we didn’t all see you dragging him out of the wrap party ……coincidentally four months ago.”

 

Karen had her there. This was never something she could talk about with her daughter, the only other person to know she was pregnant, but Karen……..she needed to talk to someone.

 

Looking down at her restless hands against the counter she avoided her gaze as she quietly admitted, “Yes Karen your right but you must never tell him.”

 

“Oh my god! Really?” She puts her mug down again staring at Alex. “You and the baby giraffe are having a baby?”

 

“No! I’m having a baby.” She reacted a bit more bitterly than she intended. Immediately she turned moving to put her mug in the sink so she did not have to witness Karen’s reaction.

 

Karen comes around the counter cautiously placing her hand on her shoulder. “Alex, I’m here whatever you need. Ok?” Alex nods but remains looking out the kitchen window.

 

Several quiet minutes pass, Karen wrapped her arms around Alex resting her head on her shoulder just holding her. “Thanks mum.” Alex finally breaks the quiet. They both giggle at that moving back to their seats at the counter. “But Karen I know this puts you in a difficult position but you must promise me that you won’t tell him? Please?”

 

“Ok, but can you tell me why you don’t want him to know?”

 

“Karen, he doesn’t want me.” Karen snorts at that. “He doesn’t. We had one night and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s obvious that he just wanted to relieve all the sexual tension that we had built up over the years. I’ll not trap him into anything because of a baby.”

 

“He really hasn’t called?” She sounds incredulous.

 

“No, he hasn’t. Just a few texts like he would have sent before. It’s like that night never happened for him.”

 

“I really thought……..” She decides not to finish her thought out loud, that wouldn’t really be helpful to Alex right now. “Alex, I promise I won’t say anything to the numpty but I can’t promise not to beat him senseless the next time I see him.” Alex laughs at her. ‘God she loves the firey Scot.’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s been two months since Karen discovered Alex’s secret. True to her word she hasn’t told Matt. In fact she hasn’t told anyone for fear it would get back to Matt. Of course that was a lot easier when they were only communicating via text and the occasional phone call. This weekend they are doing a convention together. She hopes she can still keep her promise when she has to face him.

 

After their first day at the convention they have picked up Chinese take away and several bottles of wine. Settled in Karen’s room they reminisce about their time on Who and what they have done since. Eventually he asks her about Alex. He knows she sees her with them both living in LA. “So what is the Kingston up to?” He asks casually.

 

Karen practically spits out her wine. She tries to cover by coughing profusely hoping he didn’t notice her reaction. “Alex? What you don’t keep in touch?” He blushes to the tips of his ears.

 

“I don’t think she wants to hear from me Kaz.”

 

Trying to act surprised, she asks “Why wouldn’t she want to hear from you? I thought you two were inseparable?”

 

“Not anymore. I was an idiot and I completely bollocks our relationship. I doubt Alex will ever want to speak to me again.”

 

“Why Matt?” Although she knew, she only knew Alex’s side of things. She was hoping knowing both sides would help her to understand.

 

He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees, examining his wine glass thoroughly.   “The night of the wrap party for ‘The Name of the Doctor’ Alex and I…..”

 

“Oh!”

 

“Yeah, oh!”

 

“So what happened after that?”

 

“Nothing. She went back to LA and I haven’t’ heard from her since. She’ll respond to an occasional text but that’s it.”

 

“You haven’t tried to call her?”

 

“I….I…think I blew it. I didn’t call right away and then the more time past the more I thought it was too late. I’m sure she’s forgotten all about me by now. I mean she’s Alex Kingston. What the hell does she need with an idiot like me? She’s probably got men throwing themselves at her feet.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that Matt. You should talk to her.” He shakes his head sure it’s a lost cause. “But your right I think it is too late to call her. You need to have this conversation face to face.” Karen’s devious mind was working overtime. She was still keeping her promise to Alex but (hopefully) getting these two idiots to talk to each other.

 

By the end of the convention Karen has convinced Matt he should fly out to LA and talk to Alex. He has a bit of time before he needs to be back in Cardiff so he decides to take Karen’s advice and fly back with her. He figured he couldn’t bollocks up their relationship anymore than he already has.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

He wasn’t sure how welcomed he would be. He hadn’t called, barely texted since their night together. That was nearly six months ago. If she slammed the door in his face it was probably nothing less than what he deserved. Truthfully he wasn’t even sure if she would be home. As their luck usually worked, she was probably in the UK while he was in the US. Bracing himself, for what he didn’t know, he rang the door bell.

 

Alex was resting on the couch, Salome sitting at the other end. They were both pretending to be watching the romantic comedy Salome had picked out. Salome was worried about her mum. Pregnancy at her age had the risk of all kinds of complications. She had found plenty of research on the Internet, although often she wished she hadn’t. The reality of her mum being pregnant far overshadowed the possibility of getting a brother or sister.

 

Despite her mum’s claims that she was happy about this little ‘miracle’ she couldn’t help but notice how sad she was when she thought no one was looking. She still hadn’t admitted to Salome who the baby’s father was but she had a pretty good idea. This isn’t the first time she has seen her looking this sad. She had deduced some time back that her sad moods seem to come when she is separated from Matt, either by physical distance or lack of communication. It wasn’t difficult to notice that the lack of texts and calls deepened her sadness.

 

They were both surprised by the doorbell. They weren’t expecting anyone. Pushing her with her foot, “Sal, go see who it is.” “….. but don’t open the door if you don’t know them.”, she added. Alex stretched out further when Salome vacated her spot on the sofa. She has been so tired. The surge of energy she had been feeling had left her at the end of the second trimester. Now all she felt was tired, irritable, and getting bigger everyday. Looking down at her wiggling painted toes; she knew it wouldn’t be long before she wouldn’t be able to see them.

 

“Oh my god! Matty!” Hearing her daughter’s words from the entryway caused her to sit bolt upright.

 

‘Matt!?! Here? Why? Did Karen go back on her promise?’ Without realizing what she was doing she adjusted her clothes and fussed with her hair. Her emotions were all careening at her at once: excitement, fear, anger, disappointment, joy. Her mind couldn’t seem to decide on one running through them all at top speed. There wasn’t time to sort this out before she would need to face him.

 

Matt smiled back at Salome as she peeked through the side curtain. He could hear her trying to get the lock undone and the door open. When she did she practically launched herself at him. “Hey there poppet! How are you?” Stepping back from her he can’t believe how much older she seems. “Wow! I think you’ve grown another foot since I saw you last.”

 

She rolls her eyes at him, so reminding him of her mother. “Why does every grown up _always_ say that?”

 

He clutches his chest with his hand. “Poppet, you wound me! Calling me a grown up!” She laughs at him, then remembers why she believes her mum is sad. Her face quickly changes to one that is serious and a bit worried. He can’t help but notice. “Salome, what’s the matter?”

 

She shakes her head. “Can’t say. You’ll have to talk to mum about that.”

 

His heart freezes while his mind goes through the countless scenarios of what could have her looking so serious and obviously worried. “Is she home? Your mum, is she here?”

 

“Yeah, she’s in the lounge.” She’s worrying her bottom lip in the same way Alex does. His heart feels like it has dropped to his stomach. It is obvious Salome is worried about him being there. That only heightens his own anxiety over seeing Alex again.

 

As he closes the door behind them, Salome calls out to her mum. “Mum, Matty’s here!”

 

Before taking any further steps into the house Alex appears to his left. “Matt!? What are you doing here?” Alex stands behind the three-quarter wall separating the entry from the lounge staring at him, her arms across her chest. Her back is straight, her eyes focused, and he can see the tension around her lips.

 

“Kingston! Hi!” He makes to lean over the wall to kiss her cheek but she arches back at his approach. “Um…..right.” He begins to poke at the tile floor with his shoe.

 

“So, it looks like you two have loads to talk about so I’ll just leave you to it. Bye!” Salome quickly turned and ran up the stairs.

 

Her daughter gone she feels the anger and disappointment rising in her once again. “So Matt what are you doing here?” He can hear the bite in her words. She is _not_ happy to see him.

 

“I was in LA doing some auditions, he lied. I thought I would take a chance that you were home. I missed you.”

 

At those last words she laughed at him. Not a sweet Alex laugh but a hollow, unbelieving laugh. “You missed me?” He nodded. “ _You missed me?_ ” He nodded again, not sure what else to do. “What the hell are you talking about Matt? I haven’t heard from you in six months.”

 

There was no missing the anger. She was most definitely angry……at him. “I’m…I’m sorry. I panicked after we….um.” He looks towards the stairs to be sure Salome wasn’t listening in. “Before I realized it weeks had passed and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had screwed up but I wasn’t sure how to make it right……so…..I …I just ………didn’t say anything.” He mumbled the last words fidgeting from looking at the tile floor to catching glimpses of her face. Bravely looking over to her he asks quietly, “Can we go sit down and talk about this? Please?”

 

She had always hated this wall separating the entry from the lounge but at this moment she was grateful for its existence. He couldn’t see her belly; he still had no idea she was pregnant. “No, I don’t want to sit and talk about this.” Her voice was calm, even in tone. It scared the hell out of him. He had lost her. He had truly lost her because he was an idiot and a coward.

 

“I don’t want you to hate me. I know I screwed up. I am such an idiot.” He was pacing around in circles in her entranceway immensely interested in the color of the tile. He didn’t want to see the hurt and anger in her eyes because of him. “Alex, please give me a chance, give us a chance………..at least to be friends again.”

 

He caught her off guard as he came around the wall on one of his circles. “Alex, let’s sit and…….. whoa, what the hell?” He looks from her belly to her face and back to her belly, her rather protruding belly. “Are you pregnant?”

 

She sighs, “No flies on the Roman!”

 

“Alex, I had no idea you wanted to have another baby. That you _could_ have another baby. I mean from what you said it seemed impossible after Salome was born.”

 

“Apparently not impossible.” She responded sarcastically eyeing his response to her reality.

 

“So this is something you planned for? I guess you would have had to needing IVF and all.” His arms flailed as he alternately looked from her belly to her face in disbelief.

 

She wrapped her arms protectively around her growing child. “No, it wasn’t planned.” Her voice softer as she thought of her miracle. “It was rather a big surprise, actually.” She looked at him, her eyes penetrating his as she spoke those last words……waiting for him to connect the dots.

 

His eyes went wider, his feet frozen in place. He couldn’t stop his head from going back and forth from her face to her belly. “Are…are…..you saying….that..that is my baby?”

 

“It’s MY baby, your contribution was minor.” Her anger towards him is back. ‘How dare he lay claim to this child? This child he didn’t know about because he couldn’t be bothered to pick up the bloody phone in six months!’

 

“Alex?” ,his tone soft as he tries coming closer. Covering her belly with her hands she turns and walks away from him. He is left standing there wondering how he would ever fix this. He turns to see her staring out the front window trying to slow her breathes to a calmer state. “I love you.” It is out of his mouth before he can even think to stop it.

 

As she whips around to look at him with fire in her eyes he knows this was the wrong thing at the wrong time. “You love me? _You LOVE me?_ ” She laughs at him even more hollow than before. “Matthew you have no idea what love is!” He starts to say something but she doesn’t give him a chance. Advancing on him her words bracing and fierce, “You are just a child wanting love. You have no idea how to give it. You have no idea what it truly means to love someone, to sacrifice for that love. I do! I have sacrificed plenty in the name of love.” Her look is steel as she stands before him leaving only a foot between them. “I thought you were different. I thought _we_ were different but I was wrong, again. I chose wrong, _again_!” “At least I got something out of it. Thank you for that.” She begins to rush past him feeling the tears prick at her eyes.

 

He catches her arm as she tries to pass him, softly he asks. “Hold on. So this is my baby?” Looking at him with sad eyes, the fire snuffed out from her rant, she nods. “…and you weren’t going to tell me?” Slowly she shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his.

 

He reaches out to her caressing her cheek. She tries to hold her resolve but his touch after six months feels like a salve, a salve to her open wound. “What have I done to you Alex? What have I done to us?” The questions hang in the air no one daring to answer them. They continue to stare at each other, moments turn into minutes before he chances putting his arms around her.

 

She is spent. Her anger expressed she doesn’t have it in her to fight with him anymore. She lets him hold her while she keeps her hands protectively around her belly. “I’m sorry Alex. I am so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you…..or leave you.” His voice filters through her hair. “I am such an idiot. God, what an idiot!” His tears begin to wet her curls. “You are all I have ever wanted and I fucked it all up. I fucked it up.” He was properly crying now.

 

He pulls back to see her. Her face dripping with tears, her eyes vacant, he leans his forehead against hers watching his tears mix with hers. She moves her hands to his chest, “Matt…”

 

Slumping forward he has to move fast to keep her from falling to the floor. “Alex? Alex!” He shrieks as he cradles her to the floor. “Alex, speak to me. Come on sweetheart….this isn’t funny now…. Come on wake up. Alex!”

 

From behind him he hears a small voice, “Mum?” Something shifts in him at that moment. He realizes he needs to be the grown-up….the parent.

 

Turning to Salome he tries to keep his voice calm. “Salome can you call your mum’s doctor?” He pulls out his phone to dial 999.

 

“Who are you calling?” Her voice high with anxiety.

 

As calmly as he can. “I’m calling 999 for an ambulance for your mum.”

 

She grabs his phone from his hand, “It’s 911….your in California.” She hands the phone back to him then quickly goes to the kitchen to find the doctor’s number on the fridge. Dialing the number she comes back to the lounge as she hears him talking to the emergency operator.

 

He looks up at her as she walks back in. “They need the address…..sorry I’m drawing a blank.” He hands her the phone.

 

She takes it handing him hers. “Her doctor is Dr. Wood.” She moves away not able to look at her mum lying there praying that she will be alright. Giving the operator the address she hangs up slipping the phone in her pocket as she inches back to her mum’s still figure.

 

“Yes doctor she has a pulse but it seems fast to me but I don’t know I’m not really a doctor. I’ve tried to wake her she won’t respond.” He looks over to Salome who nods at him. “The ambulance is on the way…..yes, I will tell them UCLA obstetrics. Yes, see you there doctor.”

 

He hangs up looking up to Salome and then back to Alex. He has Alex’s hand in his. He realizes he had the whole time he was on the phone. He reaches back to Salome feeling her trembling hand slide into his. Pulling her towards him he let’s go so he can wrap his arm around her. Immediately he feels her tears against his chest and he tries hard to keep his at bay. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” He holds her tight as she cries both of them looking over at Alex lying there so, so still.

 

Out of the corner of her eye she sees the flashing lights and races to the front door to usher them inside. From there it is a jumble of chaos as they work on her, getting her ready for transport. Somehow he manages to remember to tell them her doctor’s name and that she will be waiting for her at UCLA obstetrics.

 

They wouldn’t let them ride with her so Matt and Salome jump into his rental car to follow the ambulance. His heart is racing a mile a minute as his mind comes up with scenario after scenario…. all of them ending in him losing her.

 

They both pace the waiting room floor after they see her being raced by them to behind closed doors. Frantically he is running his hands through his hair, angry with himself, angry at her, and scared to death. He could lose her….forever……..and their baby. _‘Their baby?’_ He was still trying to wrap his mind around this concept. How could he and Alex be having a baby? Or maybe they weren’t…..he might lose that too.

 

At the sight of Salome sitting in the waiting room chair, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, rocking back and forth he forced himself to stop thinking about himself and go to her. “Hey poppet.” He sat next to her pulling her to his chest. “She’s going to be alright…..everything is going to be alright.”

 

She pulled away from him to look him in the face. “You don’t know that.”

 

He tugged on her curls like he does with her mother, “I know that that is what I have to believe with all my heart because anything else is unfathomable.” He pulls her tighter wondering if it is to comfort her or him. They hold onto each other both wanting to believe his words that everything will be alright.

 

She pulls away sitting in her own seat his one arm still around her back rubbing circles there. Looking straight ahead she asks, “Matt why did you stay away?”

 

At first he wonders why she called him Matt and not Matty but then he realized this wasn’t a conversation for a little girl. “I was an idiot.” He slides his arm from around her resting his elbows on his knees thinking about just how big an idiot he had been. “I got scared. I love her so much and I was afraid she didn’t feel the same way. I guess I didn’t want to actually hear her say the words.”

 

He was thinking about just that when he heard a loud Scot approaching. “So how’s Alex?”

 

Surprise on his face he looks up to see Karen standing in front of them. Salome launches herself at her while Karen shoves a bag of food at him so that her arms are free to hug her. “Kaz? What? How did you know we were here?”

 

“I texted her telling her what was happening.” He looks at her in wonder. “Um I still have your phone.” She pulls it from her pocket and hands it to him. “When she texted you asking how things were going…..I told her.” He nodded at her. “I thought we could use a friend.”

 

He found himself a bit choked up at all of that. He was supposed to be being the grown up and Salome was taking care of everything. As he started to put his phone in his pocket he realized that it was occupied with hers. “Um….I still have yours too.” He handed it over, putting his phone in his pocket, then moving to the other side of the waiting room while Salome explained how they had gotten each other’s phones. He didn’t want to relive that again.

 

A few minutes later Karen comes up beside him. “Hey? How you doing?”

 

He’s staring at some generic landscape painting on the wall in front of them. “She’s having my baby.” He says in almost a whisper. She nods back at him. “You knew?” Again she nods.

 

He turns from her wanting to be angry with her but this isn’t her doing. He knows that….it is his own. “She made me promise.” Her voice quiet, beseeching. He knew that, somehow before she even said it he already knew. He turns back and nods at her. Slowly she approaches him and wraps her arms around him.

 

He can’t hold back any longer and the tears flow. They are full of anger and regret and fear. “I can’t believe I have been so stupid, so, so stupid. She’s all I wanted, all I’ve ever wanted. All I had to do was pick up the phone. I could have had her, and our baby. We could have done this together. Instead she’s been doing this all by herself……..and now………………….” He can’t think about what might be happening behind those closed doors because as long as no one says anything Alex and his baby are fine. That is the hope that he clings to.

 

From across the room he sees a female doctor enter and Salome immediately goes over to her. She must be Dr. Wood. Pulling himself from Karen he rushes to Salome’s side. Karen stands behind them a hand on each of their shoulders. “Dr. Wood this is Matt. Matt this is Dr. Wood.”

 

He shakes her hand. “How is she doctor?”

 

“As you know this is a high risk pregnancy for Alex. Her blood pressure is dangerously high right now. We are treating it with medication trying to get it back to normal levels. So far this has only been moderately successful.”

 

“Will she be alright?” Salome asks.

 

“I can’t answer that right now. It really depends on whether she starts responding to treatment or not.”

 

“Um you said ‘is a high risk pregnancy’ does that mean the baby is ok?” Karen tentatively asked.

 

“The baby doesn’t seem to be in much distress at the moment. Our concern is with Alex herself. There is the possibility of a stroke if we cannot get her blood pressure down and there is the matter of her still not regaining consciousness.”

 

“She hasn’t woken up yet?” Matt stammers out. “But it’s been hours.”

 

“That’s part of our concern. Alex seems to be slipping into a coma.”

 

The doctor escorts them to Alex’s bedside. Salome edges towards her mum. There is a jumble of wires monitoring her, monitoring the baby. He notices that there are two different IV lines pumping something into her body. He watches as Salome’s shaking hand reaches for her mum’s. Instinctively he wraps his arm around Salome pulling her tight to him. “She’s going to be alright poppet……she has to be.” His voice betrayed by his own emotions. When she looks up at him she is almost surprised by the tears clinging to his cheeks.

 

“Yeah…….she does.” She whispered wrapping her free arm around his waist clinging to him as much as he is clinging to her.

 

Karen takes her home later waiting with her until Florian came to pick her up. He brings her by everyday after school. He doesn’t come in, doesn’t intrude but Matt can tell he is concerned about Alex as well.

 

Matt hasn’t left her side. Karen brought him his travel bag that first night. He showers in the ensuite and has his meals with Alex. She doesn’t wake up. The days turn into weeks that turn into months. It’s been three months……………….

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	3. What Dreams May Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to gift this chapter to one of my favorite Mattex writers, Sassasam. She has given us endless hours of Mattex stories that I could never hope to achieve. Her stories have inspired me as an author, of which I had no idea I could be. Of course looking forward to the 'Adventures of River Song' but hoping this will remind you how important you are to the Mattex fandom as well.

Her eyes flutter open taking in her surroundings. Her hand immediately goes to the swell of her belly. She sighs comforted in the fact that she is indeed with child. It wasn’t a dream. She still can’t believe that she could be pregnant at her age and with all of the fertility issues she has had. This is truly a miracle, her and Matt’s miracle. ‘Matt!’ Sigh!

 

She looks down at her wedding ring. It always seems tighter in the morning. Her doctor warned her that she should take it off before her hands swell too much necessitating them to cut it off. She knows they’re right; she couldn’t wear her rings for the last months of her pregnancy with Salome either. Staring at them she worries if she takes them off then it means it’s not all real.

 

Shaking her head she knows how silly those thoughts are. Her and Matt are married. They married in front of his family and hers and she has the pictures to prove it. Why so reluctant to take off her rings? Maybe because he is so very far away and has been for months. This is when she gets sick to her stomach, not because of the baby but because of the secret she is keeping from Matt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

They had only been married for about four months when a career opportunity of a lifetime was offered to Matt. It was a prominent role in a sure to be blockbuster movie, with the possibility of another two movies if the first was received well. It was to be filmed in far away locals such as Indonesia, Vietnam, and New Zealand. The downside was he had to make a four month commitment to filming. Due to the far away locations it wasn’t likely that he would be able to return for visits.

 

She encouraged him to take the role reminding him that this is why he left Who. Although he was excited about the role he didn’t want to leave her. She already had theatre commitments lined up for the next three months so accompanying him wasn’t possible. Even though they would be separated for the same length of time that they had been married they both agreed he had to do it.

 

They talked or texted as much as possible. His training and filming schedule rivaled the Doctor’s but he seemed to be enjoying the challenge. They tried to Skype at least once per week depending on where he was. He is learning that the Internet is not something you can take for granted in all parts of the world.

 

About three weeks after he left she made an appointment to see her doctor. She just hadn’t been feeling well. At first she thought she was just missing Matt but as the weeks passed with no improvement she thought she should get checked out. Nothing could have prepared her for the news that she was pregnant!

 

“Doctor, you must be mistaken. I don’t get pregnant……and at my age.” She challenges the doctor’s diagnosis.

 

“I thought you might say that Alex. That’s why I had them run the test a second time. You are most definitely pregnant. I suppose the question now is what do you want to do about it?”

 

Alex was stunned silent processing this news…..this impossible news. ‘Was she happy? Scared? Anxious? Try all of the above.’ As she replayed the doctor’s words in her head she realized her question. “What do you mean what do I want to do now?”

 

“Well Alex I know this isn’t something you planned for. You also must realize that this will be a high risk pregnancy if you choose to continue it. Your history of miscarriages may also be a factor in a good outcome.”

 

Alex listened carefully to what she was being told. It wasn’t anything she didn’t already know but she _was_ pregnant when every doctor she went to had told her it could never happen without IVF. And it was _Matt’s baby_! She knew the risks but how could she not try?

 

“Doctor is it possible for me to carry this baby to term?”

 

“It’s possible but there will most likely be complications.”

 

“I understand that. Will the baby be healthy?”

 

“Most likely but I can give you more reliable answers after we perform an ultrasound. We also need to determine how far along you are since you weren’t tracking your cycles. I can have my nurse make you an appointment for next week. Will that be alright?”

 

“Yes doctor that would be good. It will give me time to adjust to this idea as well.”

 

She makes the appointment for the following week before exiting the building. Walking along on the streets of London she can’t stop thinking about this impossible miracle…..a baby! She can’t wait to tell Matt. She so wishes she could tell him in person but he is in….Vietnam, she thinks, this week and there is no way she is traveling all that way in her condition.

 

As she walks down the street looking into shop windows she stopped in front of a toy shop. Looking at all of the fun new toys, things they didn’t have even a few years ago when Salome was little. She can’t stop herself from popping into the shop to look around. Her fingers trace over the stuffed animals, the pink doll accessories, the trains, the cars, the possibilities of childhood in her life again. She catches a glimpse of herself in a display mirror and is amazed at how happy she looks. When she comes upon a Doctor Who display she feels the need to not leave the store empty handed. Although she is sure that if Matt was here he would have bought the child’s version of his sonic screwdriver; she chooses a plush version of the TARDIS instead.

 

When she gets home she places the TARDIS on the coffee table, sitting on the sofa staring at it. ‘A baby! A baby? Wow!’ Her emotions run the gamut from excited to terrified. She looks at her watch trying to determine what time it is where Matt is when it occurs to her that by next week there may be no baby. The cold reality is that until she has the sonogram there’s no telling if this pregnancy is viable or not. It would be cruel to tell him and then take it away. She realizes she should wait to tell him when she knows for sure.

 

Jumping up she starts pacing around the flat, her excitement getting the better of her. She has to tell someone and who better than her sister. Grabbing her phone from her purse she dials Nicola’s number. They make plans for lunch at a little place they like about halfway between London and Surrey.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Her and her sister arrive almost at the same time. They talk about the weather and the trip there while they settle in and look over the menu. Lunch ordered their waiter brings them a pot of tea which they quickly prepare. Alex is a bit jumpy, excited and scared all rolled into one. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Nicola. “So dear sister, what’s got you all smiley over there? I was expecting you to be all sad and grumpy. Matt’s been gone, what a month now isn’t it?”

 

“Yes almost, it’s been three and a half weeks.”

 

“Is the honeymoon over already?”

 

“What?!? No! Why would you say that?”

 

“I don’t know. I thought you’d be all mopey without him.”

 

She laughed. “Well I was a bit, until yesterday….” She hesitated.

 

Intrigued her sister leaned in, “Why what happened yesterday?”

 

Biting her bottom lip Alex leans in so that only her sister can hear her. “I found out I’m pregnant.”

 

Nicola is stunned, absolutely stunned. She falls back in her chair staring at Alex trying to determine if she is playing a joke on her or not. “Are you serious?”

 

Alex nods.

 

“Seriously serious?”

 

“Yes.” She nods again.

 

“Oh my god! Are you nuts? Did Matt put you up to this? He did didn’t he? After he swore to me that he understood and that Salome was enough for him.” Nicola was working herself up into quite the frenzy before Alex could get a word in.

 

“Nicola……Nicola!” Finally her sister stopped her rant looking over to her. “Matt didn’t put me up to anything. _He doesn’t even know_.”

 

“Wait…..what? How could he not even know? Wouldn’t he have had to…..you know given a deposit?”

 

Alex straightened up in her seat looking quite pleased as she told her sister. “We weren’t trying to have a baby…..it just happened! It’s some kind of miracle.”

 

Nicola’s jaw drops, “I thought you couldn’t?”

 

“That’s what all the so called experts said.”

 

“So this just happened…..naturally?”

 

Alex laughs at the blush that is taking over her sister talking about such a delicate subject in public. “Yeah, it did.”

 

“Wow! I mean wow sis, that’s amazing!”

 

“I know!”

 

Nicola is rubbing her chin in that way that Alex knows she is thinking hard about something. She’s pretty sure what’s coming next. It’s why she chose to tell Nicola. She is the one person, other than Florian, who knows what she went through to have Salome.

 

Nicola thinks over her words carefully before starting. “Alex, I can understand why you are so over the moon. I mean a baby! You have always wanted another child.” Alex beams because that is so true. She loves her daughter to pieces but it hurt that she wasn’t able to give her a sibling. “But Alex is this wise……at your age?”

 

“Lots of older woman have babies.”

 

“But aren’t there a lot more risks for the baby? For you?”

 

Leaning forward pulling apart the bread roll in front of her, “Yes, there are. I won’t lie to you. It’s certainly not going to be like when I had Salome but then there are also more advances in medicine than thirteen years ago too.” Their food arrived and they were distracted for several minutes until the waiter left again.

 

Stabbing at her salad Nicola keeps glancing over at Alex. “You want this don’t you?”

 

When Alex looks over to her she can seen the sheen of tears forming. “So much Nicola, so much. Am I crazy?”

 

Nicola reaches over for her sister’s hand. “No honey…..well, maybe a little.” Alex giggles at her. “I understand. I’m not sure I agree but I understand. You said Matt doesn’t know. What do you think he will say?”

 

“Probably about the same as you! I mean I know he will be thrilled for us to have a baby. Cause your right he gave up on that dream when he married me. He accepted it because he had no choice but if given the choice I think he would be as excited as I am.”

 

“So when are you telling him?”

 

Biting at her bottom lip again, “Well I thought I should wait until after my sonogram next week. I mean it’s still a possibility that the pregnancy won’t be viable.”

 

“Oh Alex!” She squeezes her hand trying to give her some reassurance. “Would you like some company for the test?”

 

She let out a heavy sigh, “I was hoping you would say that. Yes, please. I don’t think I can handle this alone……especially if it is bad news.”

 

“Then consider it a date. Before we leave I’ll get the date/time and location from you.” They both went back to their lunch letting the silence encircle them for awhile. “So did I tell you what my youngest decided to put in the washing machine without me knowing about it?” Their lunch continued with stories about their children, husbands, and discussions about their parents. Nicola would never know how grateful she was that she agreed to come to her appointment. She didn’t think she was strong enough to face this alone.

 

The next week was hard to talk to Matt and NOT tell him the one thing that had been occupying her mind constantly. He noticed something was wrong and kept asking why she was so distracted. She told him that play rehearsals had been especially difficult and that she was just tired. She hated herself for not telling him but she thought it was a kindness. ‘Why get his hopes up when this may all end next week?’

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

After the sonogram she was going to tell Matt, she swears but he was so excited about his movie that she couldn’t. She knows him. That idiot would have been on the next flight home. She couldn’t let him sabotage his career when he was just taking off.

 

From the sonogram she found out she was nearly three months pregnant. It wasn’t easy keeping the pregnancy from Matt, especially when he wanted to have sexy times over Skype. Somehow she managed to keep him from suspecting anything mostly by using her sexy voice over the phone instead.

 

It became especially more difficult as more people found out. It wasn’t like she could exactly hide it now could she. She had been trying to keep a low profile. She had the grocer deliver her groceries and she made her doctor appointments early in the morning when there were less people out.

 

Of course all of her friends were worried that she was home pining away for Matt and wanted to take her out for lunch or dinner. She would politely decline saying she was actually quite busy. One person who wasn’t buying it was ‘dear ole dad’, Arthur. When she turned down his third theater invitation he decided something was up. So without calling first he just showed up on her doorstep.

 

“Arthur?” She quickly tried to hide herself behind the door but it was already too late.

 

Catching sight of a much larger than usual Alex he asked in disbelief. “Alex? What is going on?” He barged his way into the flat to look at her properly. He stared at her for a full minute before he finally uttered, “Are you pregnant?”

 

She let out a sigh. “Yes, Arthur I am.” His jaw dropped at the confirmation. “I know and at my age!” She turned and walked toward the kitchen leaving him to close the door before following her. He watched as she made tea as if she hadn’t just dropped a huge bombshell on him.

 

By the time she handed him his tea he seemed to have processed her news to where he could speak coherently. “So is this why you were avoiding me?”

 

Looking at him sheepishly she admits, “Yes.”

 

“I’m guessing Matt doesn’t know since he hasn’t said a thing and he’s not that good at keeping secrets.”

 

She looks at him over her cup as she sips her tea. “No, Matt doesn’t know.”

 

“Why?” He sounds a bit angry as he asks.

 

“Could we sit?” She motions to the lounge. He nods and they take their tea to the sofa. Placing her tea on the table in front of them she meets Arthur’s eyes. “I didn’t find out until after he left. I swear I didn’t.”

 

“I assume you have talked to him since he has left Alex?” He says a bit biting.

 

“Yes, yes I have.” She rubs her hands in her lap. “I was afraid if I told him that he would jump on the next plane back here. You know how he is.” Arthur nodded knowing all too well how Matt felt about Alex. “If he walked out of such a big movie production as this his career would be over. No one would want to hire him again. I couldn’t let him do that to himself. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get his shot.”

 

Arthur puts his tea next to Alex’s on the table. Reaching over he takes her hands in his. “Ok, I think I get it. You think you are doing what is best for him.” She nods smiling that he understands. “But what about what is best for you?”

 

“I’m fine.” She tries to pull her hands from his. This is classic Alex; she always says she is fine.

 

“But Alex….” He tugs on her hands until she looks up at him. “This is a lot to take on by yourself. Who else knows?”

 

“My sister Nicola.”

 

“And?”

 

“Just her…..and my doctor.”

 

“So who is taking care of you? Your sister lives all the way in Surrey, and she has a family of her own that probably keeps her pretty busy.”

 

“I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”

 

“Yes I know you can Melody but you don’t have to.” He puts his arms around her. “Dad’s here.” She puts her arms around him as well resting her head against his chest. Yes, she could do it herself but damn if it didn’t feel good to have someone want to be there for her. When he hears her sniffling he pulls back to look her in the eyes. “What?”

 

“You are just the sweetest man. You will be a helluva father someday Arthur Darvill.”

 

He smiles at her. “Well see all of this will be good practice.”

 

She smiles back at him resting her head on his chest again. All of a sudden she pulls back with a scared look on her face. “You aren’t going to tell him are you?”

 

He pulls her back into his chest soothing her by rubbing circles on her back. “No, I won’t. I don’t like it. He deserves to know but your probably right about him doing something stupid like walking out of the filming. It’s only another month, right?” She nods into his chest. “Well then you’ll just have to put up with me in the meantime.”

 

Ever since that day Arthur has been like a permanent fixture in her home. He stops by every day after rehearsals and calls at least twice before and after. He makes sure she is eating right sometimes cooking but mostly bringing take out. He was there so often that when he mentioned he was trying to find a flat for the duration of the play she suggested he move into the guest room. This seemed to please him to no end as he could keep better tabs on Alex. He seemed to worry a lot less when he could see how she was doing without her being able to sugar coat it for him.

 

Arthur had promised that he wouldn’t tell Matt; he hadn’t said anything about not telling Karen. When Karen came back to the UK on a break from filming he invited her out for dinner so they could catch up. He knew she would want to know.

 

After they had caught up on what was happening with each other Arthur just casually let it slip that he was staying with Alex while Matt was away filming. “You’re staying with Alex?”

 

“Yeah. I was looking for a flat while I’m here doing the play and she offered me the guest room.”

 

“That’s funny; Matt didn’t mention it when I talked to him the other day.”

 

Looking a bit nervous, “Um well, Matt doesn’t know. Alex thought it would be better if he didn’t.”

 

Karen was immediately put on alert. “Arthur, what the hell is going on? Why are you staying at Alex’s and why doesn’t she want Matt to know?” Her Scottish screech seemed to attract the attention of the nearby patrons of the restaurant.

 

“Kazza keep your voice down. You know Matt is my best mate and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

 

“Yeah, I guess but what is going on? Something seems off.”

 

“Well it’s Alex. I wanted to stay there so I could take care of her.”

 

“Take care of her? Why? Is she sick?” Karen was at once concerned that something was wrong with her friend. “Arthur Darvill you tell me what is going on this instant.”

 

“No, not sick……….she’s pregnant.”

 

Karen’s eyes went wide as her mouth fell open while she stared at him in disbelief. “She’s what?”

 

Reaching across the table he took her hand in his. “Well dear it seems our daughter is making us grandparents.”

 

She laughed, then he laughed until they both had tears rolling down their cheeks. “But seriously, pregnant?”

 

“Definitely, seriously pregnant.”

 

“How far along is she?”

 

“A little over five months.”

 

“Oh my god.” Karen covered her mouth with her hand letting this new information settle in. It then occurred to her. “So I’m guessing that Matt not knowing you’re staying there means Matt also doesn’t know she’s pregnant?”

 

“You catch on quick there Moonface.”

 

“Don’t call me that! But why? Why doesn’t she want him to know?” Her eyes begin to bug out. “Oh my god you’re not telling me that Matt isn’t the father, are you?”

 

“What? NO, no Matt is definitely the father.” She sighs in relief. “She’s afraid if he finds out that he will up and leave his filming and blow any chance he has for a movie career.”

 

She nods. “Probably right there. I mean I can’t believe she convinced him to go in the first place. Can you imagine how he must be pining for her now that they are married? He was intolerable before they had even admitted they liked each other!”

 

He chuckled remembering how mopey Matt would be when Alex went back to the States.

 

“So you can’t tell him Karen. You have to swear it.”

 

She nods. “I get it but I want to see Alex. Do you think she’ll be up for it?”

 

“She’ll never admit it but I think she’s going a bit starkers sitting home all day with only me to talk to. She talks to friends and family on the phone but other than me and Nicola no one else comes to see her.”

 

They finish up their meal then Karen heads back to Alex’s with him. Heading in first he sees Alex is sitting on the sofa watching the telly. “Hey Alex, I brought you a present.”

 

She tries to turn to see where he is standing.   “A present? What kind of present?”

 

He motions for Karen to come on in. “Your mum!”

 

Karen comes around to the sofa taking in the sight of a definitely pregnant Alex. “So there daughter I understand I am going to be a grandmum!” She sits next to Alex and pulls her into an embrace. “Not nice not letting me know, you know.” She says quietly into her hair.

 

Pulling back Alex looks worried. “Don’t worry stupid face over there told me all about it and how we can’t tell Matt so stop worrying!” Relief seemed to flood Alex’s body knowing she could trust Karen with her secret.

 

So between Arthur, Karen, and Nicola they were her support system. She would never admit it but she was grateful she didn’t have to do this all alone. She couldn’t wait for Matt to come home so the lies could stop. She only hoped he would understand and forgive her. As the day for his return became closer this seemed to worry her more.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Matt is coming home! She is so excited to see him and incredibly nervous. At six months pregnant there won’t be any opportunity to tell him gently. It’s going to be a shock, and she’s pretty scared of how he’ll react. Although she was convinced that not telling him was what was best for his career; he might not like that she kept him from even knowing that he was becoming a father.

 

As the hours passed and it was nearing the time for his arrival she was beside herself, pacing the floor, and worrying herself sick wondering how he was going to react.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Matt was practically bouncing in the taxi on the way from Heathrow. He hadn’t seen his wife in four months. He had plans. Before he left the airport he had picked up a bouquet of flowers. He would have liked to have gone to her favorite florist and picked them out himself but another time. Getting home to Alex as quickly as possible was his priority.

 

Opening the door he quickly puts his suitcase down and closes the door behind him. “Honey, I’m home!” He announces. Silence. He thinks perhaps she has planned something special for their reunion and she is waiting for him, perhaps in the bedroom. He goes there first but she is not there. Coming back into the main part of the flat he stops in his tracks when he sees her lying on the floor near the sofa.

 

Rushing over to her, “Alex? Alex love, are you alright?” She is on her side and he turns her so she is lying on her back. He takes one look at her protruding belly. “What the hell?” He checks for a pulse and tries shaking her but she isn’t waking. He has no idea what is going on but decides he should call an ambulance.

 

The ambulance on its way he sits next to his wife on the floor holding her hand and caressing her cheek. “Alex sweetheart, I’m here. Please wake up. I love you, please baby wake up for me.” He hears the siren of the ambulance coming down the road. Brushing tears away he goes to the door to hurry them in.

 

Standing there while they take her vitals they start to ask him questions he has no idea how to answer. “How far along is she in her pregnancy? When is her due date? What is the name of her doctor?” He feels like such an inadequate husband because he didn’t even know she was pregnant.

 

It occurs to him that her doctor’s name might be on the fridge. She had a habit of putting appointments there to remind her. Going there he finds her doctor’s card with her next appointment date on it. He comes back in telling the EMTs her doctor’s name then dialing the number himself. “Yes, this is Matt Smith. I am Alex Kingston’s husband. I need to speak to her doctor we are taking her to the hospital in an ambulance. Yes, I’ll hold for the doctor.” He looks over to Alex hoping she has awaken. He is startled out of his staring by the doctor picking up the phone. “Yes doctor, I am Alex’s husband. No, I didn’t know. Look she’s unconscious. I found her this way so I don’t know for how long. We are taking her to hospital in the ambulance. Yes, I will tell them. Thank you doctor.”

 

When he gets off the phone he instructs them to which hospital to take her before they load her. He insists on coming with her. As soon as he is seated he reaches for her hand hoping she can feel his presence and will wake up just for him.

 

Upon arrival they wheel Alex behind closed doors and direct him to a waiting room. There isn’t anything else he can do but wait. He paces the floor trying to wrap his mind around what is going on. ‘Alex is pregnant! Pregnant! Why didn’t she tell me?’ He paced some more. ‘How could she be pregnant? She told me she couldn’t get pregnant. She had so much trouble having Salome. Salome? Does she know? Should I call her?’ His mind was racing with a million questions and he didn’t have answers for any of them.

 

Somewhere in his mind rant he remembered Alex talking about Arthur. He remembered her saying that Arthur had been over for dinner just the other night. ‘Arthur _must_ know! He couldn’t have seen her and not know.’ He decides to send him a text letting him know about Alex. Maybe Arthur can give him some answers since Alex cannot at the moment.

 

 _‘Alex is in the hospital. Hoping you have answers for me mate.’_ -M

 

Within moments he gets his reply:

 

 _‘Absolutely! I’m on my way.’_ –A

 

He pushes his phone back into his pocket and resumes his pacing. If anyone recognizes him they have the decency to stand clear. He’s in no state of mind to be fan friendly. He is beyond worried about Alex, and now that it is starting to sink in a bit pissed too. ‘Why didn’t she tell me?’

 

As the adrenaline is starting to fade and the jet lag kicking in he throws himself into a chair in the corner. Running his hands over his face he tries to make sense of all of this but he can’t; he just can’t. When Arthur arrives with Karen beside him they find Matt with his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees not sure if he is praying or crying.

 

“Matt?” Karen approaches him gently. He raises his head to look at her, then over to Arthur, his face glistening with tears. She sits next to him and he immediately turns to pull her into a strong embrace. Through her shirt she can feel his tears continue to fall against her shoulder. Arthur takes a seat on the other side of him.

 

After a few minutes he pulls back from Karen and wipes at his face. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

 

“It’s ok. We understand.”

 

He looks at Karen and then at Arthur. “Well I wish I did. What the hell is going on? I come back and apparently my wife is pregnant and no one bothered to tell me!” Karen looks over to Arthur with pleading eyes.

 

“Matt.” Arthur begins. “She wouldn’t let us tell you. So we did all we could for her in your place.” Arthur was hoping he could get Matt to understand that they did the best they could in the situation.

 

“Why?” His voice was weak as if he was afraid to ask the question for fear of the answer. “Why didn’t she want me to know?”

 

“She thought she was doing what was best for you, for your career.”

 

“For my career? **_For my career?_** ” He jumped up and began pacing again. “What the hell does this have to do with my career?”

 

Karen approached him carefully trying to coax him to sit back down. “Alex was afraid if you knew she was pregnant that you would jump on the next plane home. That you would jeopardize your chance to make this movie and that other offers would dry up as a result. She didn’t want to be the reason you didn’t have your shot.” As she was talking she managed to walk him back to his seat.

 

“But doesn’t she know that none of that matters to me? Not as much as she does.”

 

“I think she does mate.” It’s Arthur’s turn to speak. “But you have to realize something.” Matt looks in his direction. “You mean more to her than anything else too. She wanted to give you everything. Your chance at a movie career and a child.”

 

They wait for hours. Arthur and Karen fill him in on everything they know including the fact that Nicola is the only other person to know. He realizes he should probably call her but he doesn’t even know what to say yet. He has no idea how Alex…..or their baby are doing.

 

Finally some time into the wee hours of the morning her doctor comes out to talk to him. The news isn’t good. Alex has slipped into a coma.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. The Best Dreams Happen When You Are Awake

Her eyes flutter open taking in her surroundings. Her hand immediately goes to the swell of her belly. She cries out “NO!!!” She’s not pregnant. It was all just a cruel dream. Was loving Matt part of the cruel dream too? Was having both of them too much to hope for?

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

He sits there in the ridiculous yellow paper gown that all the new dads wear. He had to scrub for ten minutes before they would even give it to him to wear. But it was all worth it to be able to be next to his child just minutes after birth. Reaching through the incubator his child wraps the tiniest of fingers around his own finger. He was trying to be cool in this moment but his emotions betrayed him as he felt the tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

“Your mummy wishes she could be here too but she is still resting.” He presses his forehead against the clear plastic watching his child breathe, counting the breaths. His thoughts drift to Alex wondering if their child will ever get to know her, wondering if she will ever wake up.

 

He doesn’t realize he had dozed off. He has no idea how long he has been awake….he never does anymore. The day turns into night and the night into day and for months now nothing else had changed. A faint noise sounding far away wakes him. He hears a rapping on the window getting the attention of the NICU nurse. Wiping the sleep and the tears from his eyes he continues his vigil over his child. The nurse meets her at the door giving her a message.

 

Coming up to him placing her hand on his shoulder, “Mr. Smith?”

 

“Yes?” He looks up with half-awake eyes.

 

“Your wife is awake.”

 

Shock takes over his face. “What?!? She’s awake?”

 

“Yes, that is what the floor nurse said. Is everything ok?” She observes his agitated response becoming concerned that they will soon have another patient on their hands.

 

He leaps to his feet, the hugest grin on his face. “Oh my god! Yes! Everything is ok!” He turns to quickly place a kiss on his baby’s incubator before rushing out of the room. He is tearing at the yellow gown before he is even in the scrub room. As soon as he is through the doors into the corridor he breaks into a run, her room at the end of a long hallway. As he gets close to her room he tries to slow down but has to grab the doorframe to screech himself to a halt.

 

He stands there in the doorway breathing harshly looking over at her. Her eyes are open, she is talking animatedly with Nicola. ‘She’s awake!!!’

 

“Matt!!!!!” Her voice brings him back to earth and racing to her bedside. Pausing only for a moment, wondering whether he should, he wraps his arms around her, his face surrounded by her curls. Tears are streaming down his face as his hold on her tightens, “Your awake, oh god Alex. I love you. I’ve missed you so much sweetheart.” He starts to kiss any part of her he can, her shoulder, her neck, her jaw, her cheek, until her lips find his.

 

Parting, both gasping for breath, their foreheads resting on each others, his tears falling into hers as they just hold each other. “Matt!” Her voice is shaky but her grip on him is tight, not wanting him to go far.

 

Pulling back slightly he looks in her eyes so happy to see her beautiful green eyes looking back at him. For so many months he didn’t think she would ever open her eyes for him to see them again. His hand cups her cheek, “God Alex, I have missed you.”

 

Her eyes look at him unsure. ‘Is this another dream…..can I hope for this to be reality?’ “So were together?” She finally asks.

 

“What?” He’s surprised by her question.

 

“You and me…..we’re together?” She hesitantly asks again.

 

He leans back further his hands move down to her hands as he tries to decide the best answer at this moment. He doesn’t know what spending months in a coma could do to a person. Has she forgotten? “Sweetheart we have been together for some time.” He brings her fingers to his lips kissing them softly.

 

That’s when she sees it….his wedding ring. Twisting her hand in his she reaches for it feeling it against her skin, twisting it between her fingers, she is mesmerized by it. “Married?” She mumbles. Looking at her own hand there is no ring; panic begins to fill her again. With sad eyes she looks up at his. “To who? Married to who?”

 

He has been watching her every move, unwilling to miss a second of her after waiting so long for her to awake. He’s seen her look for her own ring on her hand and the deeply sad look in her eyes when she looks at him again wanting to know who he has married. She doesn’t know. ‘How could she not know?’

 

He holds her hands in his not letting her eyes stray from his. “You Alex, only you. I could never be married to anyone but you.” She takes in a deep breath, then another, grabbing at him to pull him closer. Her heart is racing and she feels like she can’t breathe as she gulps for air. Holding her close he strokes her back cooing in her ear to calm her.

 

When it appears her breathing is close to normal he dares to loosen his hold on her. Watching her closely he rubs his hands over hers. He’s holding back, letting her take this at her own pace, afraid to push too much.

 

She stares down to her hands again. “Why don’t I have a ring?”

 

He brings her hand to his lips again brushing a kiss across them. “Well you do have a ring, rings actually but there at home. They don’t let you keep them on in hospital.”

 

Hearing the word ‘hospital’ causes her to take in her surroundings. She is definitely in a hospital room. She notices cards and get well pictures taped to the wall, lots of them. ‘Oh so I’ve been here awhile.’ Her thoughts register. As she scans the room she sees Nicola against the far wall watching her closely but trying to give them some space. The nurse hovering at her right is not giving them space but monitoring her and the machines she’s attached to closely. Realizing that she begins to panic again, afraid of the reason why.

 

Her grip on his hands becomes tighter, more frightened. “Why? Why am I here?” She looks to Matt for answers.

 

He nervously looks from her to the nurse trying to decide how much he should say. He’s not even sure how much she remembers. ‘If she didn’t remember us being married, then she probably doesn’t remember being pregnant.’

 

“Alex, sweetheart maybe we should wait for the doctor.” She can tell he’s stalling and that makes her even more determined.

 

“What? No, tell me! Tell me right now. Why am I here?” Her voice demanding and just a wee bit anxious.

 

He never could deny her anything, this is no different. “Alex, you’ve been in a coma.”

 

“A coma? What? Why? How long?” His answer only causes her mind to flood with more questions.

 

Scooting closer to her his one hand holding hers while his other caresses her cheek, fondling her curls. She nuzzles into his touch glad that he has the same need to feel her skin against his as she does him. “Sweetheart you’ve been in a coma for the past three months.”

 

He hears a sharp intake of air from her as her mind races trying to process the impossibility of being in a coma for three months. “Three months?” He nods watching her quite closely, afraid that the wrong thing could send her back into that coma. Pulling him closer she rests her head against his shoulder considering his words.

 

Outside her room she can hear voices, looking that way she realizes Nicola has left the room. When she returns she is accompanied by a man in a white coat, probably the doctor she surmises. As they approach her bedside she notices Matt and her sister having a conversation with their eyes. It irks her that they are talking behind her back, yet right in front of her. She can’t help but wonder what that is all about.

 

The thoughts are pushed out of her head by the doctor, Dr. Curbeira, she thinks he said his name was. He was asking her all kinds of questions that she didn’t care about like what day it was, where was she born, what was her mother’s name. ‘I mean really what do these have to do with waking up from a coma?’

 

After a thorough exam he is pleased with the results. He orders the nurse to continue her monitoring and to let him know if anything out of the ordinary changes. Matt looks over to the doctor gesturing with his eyes. Again with the eye conversations. ‘What is going on?’

 

“Mr. Smith could I speak to you for a moment?” He indicates out of the room.

 

Torn between leaving Alex and talking to the doctor, he realizes he needs to know where she stands. He doesn’t want to inadvertently do anything to lose her again. Holding her hands in his he again brings them to his lips. “I’ll just be a moment love.” Her eyes scream panic at the thought of him being away from her. “I promise. I will be right back.” Nicola came up behind him resting her hand on his shoulder letting him know she’s got this covered.

 

Matt and the doctor exit her room into the hallway. “So how is she doctor?” He pushes his hair back to dispel his nervous energy.

 

“She seems to be doing well. Her body has been through a shock giving birth to a baby and waking up from a long coma. Her vitals are good and she seems to be stable. We will continue to monitor her closely for any signs of distress. For now, you probably just need to get to know each other again.”

 

“Um, yeah….she didn’t remember we were married. Why?”

 

“She’s been in a coma for several months. It’s like she has been in a deep, deep sleep. We can never be sure what they can hear from our world or what dreams they conjure in their own. Most patients wake up a bit disoriented. It may take several days to weeks before she is feeling back to normal.”

 

“Um doctor….I haven’t told her about the baby yet. I wasn’t sure if I should. What should I do?”

 

“It’s best to let her lead for now. She’ll remember, it’s just a matter of how soon. I realize that puts you in a difficult position Matt. I’m sure you want to be with your baby and Alex.”

 

“Yeah, I do. I want her to see the baby, too.”

 

He pats Matt’s shoulder. “I’m sure it will happen soon enough. Just be patient a little longer.” Matt blew out a breath and nodded. “She’s going to be in and out for awhile. It’s going to take her some time before she stays awake for very long.” After the doctor walked down the corridor, Matt turned back entering Alex’s room. Alex was talking quietly with Nicola this time as he approached them.

 

“So you getting caught up on what’s happening in the family?”

 

“Oh not too much,” Said Nicola, “We haven’t made it much passed Salome and my boys.”

 

Matt laughed as his gaze moved from Nicola to Alex. She looked tired, like staying awake was an awful lot of work. His insides turned upside down worrying that she was going to slip back into the coma. He remembered what the doctor had said and tried to calm his nerves. “Alex love, you look like you should rest.”

 

“No!” She protested. “I have slept long enough.”

 

Coming closer to her bedside he runs his fingers through her curls stroking her head. “Love, I know it seems like that but your body needs rest. Its ok, close your eyes. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

 

She tugs on his sleeve. “With me…” He barely hears her tired voice.

 

“With me? You want me to lie with you?”

 

She nods, a smile on her face. “Oh Kingston, the things I do for you.” He crawls in bed next to her.

 

Nicola decides this is a good time to make her exit. “Um hey Matt, I think I’m going to go make a few phone calls. Tell the folks about our girl here.” He gives her a beseeching look that thankfully Alex doesn’t notice. “and I’ll check on the other for you too.” He nods in appreciation.

 

It feels so good to lie next to Alex again. It has been nearly seven months. He wraps his arms around her as she quickly falls back to sleep. It takes him longer unable to take his eyes off of her….afraid that somehow he will wake up and his dream will not have come true.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Her eyes flutter open taking in her surroundings. Her hand immediately goes to the swell of her belly. She cries out “NO!!!” She’s not pregnant. It was all just a cruel dream. Was loving Matt part of the cruel dream too? But there he was right beside her looking at her with panic in his eyes.

 

“Alex, what’s wrong? Are you in pain? Did I hurt you?”

 

She reaches out to him like he might be a mirage; her hand touching his face to assure her he was indeed there. “Matt? Are you really here?”

 

He smiles at her running his hands up and down her arms to soothe her. Leaning in he kisses her forehead, “Yes love I’m really here. Afraid you’re stuck with me.” He chuckles.

 

She smirks at him. He settles them back down on the bed, his arms still surrounding her. Resting her head on his chest she traces circles and nonsense across his shirt. Its several minutes before either of them break the silence. “Alex love, why were you so upset when you woke up?”

 

Her fingers continued to map him. “You’ll think it’s silly.”

 

“What would I think is silly?” He asked softly.

 

Her fingers stopped as her head rose from his chest to meet his eyes. “I dreamt about us. I guess while I was sleeping.”

 

“What did you dream about?” His hand rose to stroke her cheek. Having her so close he cannot not touch her.

 

“I dreamed that we were having a baby…..I know it’s crazy but I kept having these dreams over and over. They were different but in each one I was pregnant. Isn’t that crazy?”

 

Matt stills, his thoughts, his movements. He knows his next words need to be carefully thought out. After a long pause he asks, “Why do you think that would be crazy?”

 

“Why would you ask that? You know we can’t have kids; _I_ can’t have kids.” She is clearly getting agitated.

 

“Alex, it’s ok.” He turns them so their heads rest on the pillow and he can look in her eyes. She looks at him confused and a little scared……and she’s not really sure why.

 

His fingertips stroke her cheek as he hopes to calm her. “Alex, I need to tell you something.” His other hand is entwined with hers.

 

In barely a whisper she answers, “what?” She continues to look at him unsure what his face is telling her.

 

He kisses the end of her nose. “Alex love, you were pregnant.” Her mouth drops open as she stares at him.   “It’s why you were in the hospital, how you ended up in a coma.” His expression saddens as he is reminded of the months of her lying here in a coma.

 

“What? I was pregnant? With _our_ baby?” Tears begin at the corners of her eyes slowing falling down her cheeks. “Oh Matt, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” She throws herself at his chest the tears wetting his shirt.

 

He immediately realizes that she has come to the wrong conclusion. Pulling her away from him to look into her eyes once more. “Alex no love you don’t understand. You were pregnant, then you had the baby, then you woke up.”

 

Her eyes go wide as she is staring at him, his words replaying in her head. She’s sure she heard him wrong. “Matt this isn’t funny.”

 

“Sweetheart, I swear this is true. We had a baby…..a baby boy.”

 

“We had a baby?” She speaks faintly, barely a whisper.

 

“Yes love, we did.” He pulls her to his chest holding her tightly gently rocking them soothingly.

 

“A boy?”

 

“Yes.” He talks through her curls.

 

She begins to get frantic again. “Where is he? I want to see him. Where is my baby?”

 

“Calm down love.” He strokes over her back trying to keep her stress levels down, wondering if it was too soon to have told her.

 

Pushing up on his chest she looks at him fiercely. “I want to see him Matt. Now!”

 

He strokes her cheek and fingers her curls as he talks in an even, calming tone. “I know you do love but you can’t right now. He is in the NICU and you are in no shape to go up there.”

 

“The NICU? Why? What’s the matter?” Her eyes are blazing. He is beyond worried that this is too much too soon for her.

 

“He’s fine. He’s going to be fine. They are taking precautions with you having been in a coma the last trimester. He is being monitored very closely.”

 

“But he is ok? Nothing’s wrong?” Her eyes pleading with him to tell her about her child.

 

“They are concerned he may be a bit jaundice but that is nothing to worry about. He’ll just need to sunbath in the special lights for a few days.”

 

She relaxes, more like collapses against his chest. His arms reach around her automatically tugging her close. Crying softly, her tears begin to wet his shirt. “I want to see him Matt. This doesn’t seem real.”

 

“I know, I know sweetheart.” He realizes he has pictures. “Hey!” He gently pushes her so she looks up at him. “I just remembered. I have pictures on my phone. You want to see.”

 

Her face lights up, her eyes alive with excitement. “Yes! Yes, let me see.”

 

He shifts them so he can pull his phone from his jeans pocket. She moves beside him watching as he finds the pictures on his phone. “There he is!” He hands the phone to Alex as she stares at a picture of her son when he was only minutes old.

 

Her lips quiver as she raises a shaky hand to trace over his face on the screen. Tears stream from her eyes. Impatiently she scrubs them away as she stares at the screen. “There are a few others if you want to see.” She nods. He swipes the screen. Matt is beaming while holding his newborn son. Incredibly her tears fall even harder.

 

She swipes the screen to reveal pics of him in his isolette she guesses in the NICU. There are all kinds of wires hooked to him but he looks content, not in any pain. Looking over to Matt, she asks again. “But he’s alright?”

 

“He’s perfect!” Leaning over he kisses her cheek. “Just like his mother!” She smiles back at him leaning in to kiss him gently across the lips. Resting against his chest she continues to stare at the first picture he had showed her. Stroking her back he listens as her breathing slows. He knows she has fallen asleep when the phone drops from her hand.

 

After a few more minutes he slides out from under her tucking her in for a good rest. He leaves his phone on the nightstand so she can look at the pictures when she wakes. His heart is being torn in two. He doesn’t want to leave her but he wants to check on his son. Knowing she would be cross with him for _not_ checking on their son he forces himself from her bedside.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After scrubbing he enters the NICU to find his sister-in-law sitting next to his son. As he approaches he rests his hand on her shoulder. “Hey there.” She says as she looks back at him. “How’s Alex?”

 

“She’s sleeping.” His eyes on his son the entire time he is talking. “She had fallen asleep earlier but when she woke up she was quite agitated. When I asked her about it, she said she had had dreams that she was pregnant. She thought they were only dreams.” He looks finally at Nicola. “I had to tell her. I couldn’t let her think it wasn’t real.”

 

Nicola gasps. “How’d she take it?”

 

“She didn’t believe me at first but then I showed her his pictures and then I think she believed.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Honestly, I don’t think she is going to really believe it until she can hold him.”

 

“Yeah.” She nods looking back over to the baby.

 

“Honestly, I’m still trying to believe it and I was in the room, and awake when he was born!”

 

“It _is_ a miracle.” Nicola smiles at the little chubby figure in front of them.

 

“Yes, he is!” He presses his hand against the side of the isolette hoping his son can feel his presence. “Um, I would like to stay with him for awhile. Why don’t you go rest in Alex’s room?” She nods in agreement. “I don’t want her to wake up alone.” He adds.

 

She rises offering her seat to him. “By the way I got hold of your parents and mine. So they know about the baby but I asked them not to come yet. I didn’t think either of you were ready for that yet.”

 

“Thank you Nicola. I so appreciate all you have done for both of us all these months.”

 

“Oh pish, that’s what sisters are for.” She squeezes his shoulder then heads back to Alex’s room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

He doesn’t even remember being drowsy but apparently at one point he fell asleep with his head against the side of the isolette. It’s his turn to have dreams, or in this case remember how he got to this point in time.

 

He was heading back from Indonesia so very excited to be coming home after four months away. All he could think of was getting home to Alex. He had just hailed a cab when his phone rang. Thinking it would be Alex he answered it immediately. “Matt! Where are you?” It wasn’t Alex but Arthur and his tone sounded rushed and frantic.

 

“I’m in London on my way home in a cab.” He hesitated, something inside him told him something was wrong.

 

“Good, well ….um….look there isn’t any easy way to say this but you need to meet me at hospital.”

 

He gasps. “Hospital? Why? Who?”

 

“It’s Alex. They’re taking her there right now.”

 

His mouth goes dry, he flounders to form words, “What? Why? Where?”

 

Arthur gives him the name and address of the hospital before hurrying off the phone. He said he would explain when he got there. Putting down the phone he redirects the taxi driver to the hospital. Sitting back in the seat his thoughts of a romantic reunion pushed from his mind as all he can think is ‘God please be alright love.’

 

He hadn’t considered that he would have to haul his large suitcase into the hospital when he redirected the cab but he didn’t want to waste a moment getting there. After being directed around the hospital by several nurses he finally finds the waiting room where Arthur is pacing the floor like an expectant father.

 

“Arthur!” He stops in his tracks turning to look at Matt. Matt is immediately put on alert by how ashen Arthur appears.

 

“Hey there mate.” He says as he gives him a handshake/hug.

 

“How’s Alex?” Matt immediately says when they part.

 

He motions to a corner of the waiting room. “Matt let’s sit down. I have a lot to tell you.”

 

Dragging his suitcase they sit in chairs alongside a corner table covered in magazines. “I don’t understand Arthur. What is going on? Alex never said anything about being sick. Was there an accident?”

 

“No, not an accident.” Arthur scooted to the end of the chair looking carefully at Matt. “Matt, there is something she didn’t tell you. She didn’t want you to worry and she was afraid that you would up and leave your filming. She was sure you would jeopardize your career if you knew.”

 

“Oh god….is it cancer?” Matt’s eyes pleaded no, please no.

 

“No, its not cancer.” Arthur continued to hesitate. This wasn’t his place to tell him this news but Alex was in no shape to do it now and Matt had to know. He forged ahead. “Alex is pregnant.”

 

Matt’s eyes went wide staring back at Arthur sure that he had heard him wrong. “What?!?”

 

“You and Alex are having a baby.” He tried again.

 

“A baby? But that’s not possible. Alex can’t have babies. She told me that herself.” Matt’s mind was racing at a hundred kilometers per hour trying to process what Arthur was saying. He knew Arthur was too serious for this to be any type of prank, but a baby? How?

 

“Well apparently this one time she can.” He scrubs his hands over his face. Matt can’t help but notice the worry in his eyes.

 

“So she’s here to have the baby?” Matt asks, somehow knowing that wasn’t it entirely.

 

“No, it’s still too early for that. She’s only six months along but she’s had some complications.”

 

“Six months?” He nods. Matt is working out the calculations in his head realizing she had to be two months along when he left.

 

Arthur seemed to sense where his friend was going in his mind and jumped in to stop him. “She didn’t know if that is what you’re thinking.” Matt looked over to him. “She didn’t know when you left. She didn’t find out for another few weeks after you started filming.”

 

“But…. but that means she has been lying to me for over three months. Why didn’t she tell me?” He drops his head in his hands trying to keep Arthur from seeing the tears starting in the corner of his eyes.

 

Arthur doesn’t say anything for awhile letting Matt process all of this. Finally he speaks up, “Matt, I think she thought she was doing what was best for your career. She has always fretted that being with her would impact your career badly. It seemed important to her ……that you didn’t regret being with her.”

 

“Regret being with her? How could I ever regret being with her? I love her; she is the most important person in my life. How can she not know that?” He gave up trying to hide the tears as they streamed down his face.

 

He reached over patting his friend on the shoulder, “I think she does Matt. She’s just so scared that you’re going to find a reason to leave like the others did.”

 

Matt turns to look at him in disbelief. “Did she tell you that?”

 

“Not directly but I can read between the lines pretty well. We’ve talk a lot this last month since I found out she was pregnant.”

 

“She told you?!” His voice angry that his friend knew things….important things about his wife that he didn’t.

 

“Calm down mate. No, she didn’t tell me either. As best I know the only one she told was her sister, Nicola. I don’t even think her parents know yet.”

 

Looking curious, “So how?”

 

“Well I had called Alex a number of times to get together. I figured she was probably missing you mate and I thought taking her out to dinner would cheer her up. She always sounded happy to talk to me on the phone but also always seemed to have an excuse why we couldn’t get together. It started to gnaw at me. I guess I could feel that something wasn’t right. So I just showed up on her doorstep one day. I figured I would surprise her, or confront her. Either way I was hoping I could get a better understanding as to what was going on.”

 

“And?”

 

“And I showed up and before she could hide herself behind the door I had already guessed that she was pregnant. I mean Alex is always so toned. It wasn’t hard to spot the baby bump. When I called her out on it she finally relented and let me inside.”

 

“So what then?”

 

“Well I got her to admit that she was (then) five months pregnant and that she hadn’t told you anything about it.   I can’t tell you how many times I almost picked up the phone to I don’t know tell you, drop a hint, something. She made me swear not to tell you.” He shakes his head. “It was the only way she would let me help her.”

 

“Help her? Help her how?”

 

“Well despite her reluctance to tell me I think she needed someone to share this with.” He sees Matt’s pained expression. “Yes, I know mate it should have been you. I agree with you. So anyway I came by everyday after rehearsals to check on her, bring her dinner, or something. She wouldn’t go out, too afraid she’d get photographed and her secret would be out. When I mentioned that I was looking for a flat for the duration of the play she offered me the guest room. It seemed like a good idea. It would be easier to keep an eye on her and she seemed to like the company.”

 

“So you’re staying at our place?”

 

“Yeah but I can be out by tomorr-“

 

Matt waves him off. “No need and it sounds like I owe you big time anyways mate.” Arthur nods gratefully. “So what’s happened? Why is Alex in hospital?”

 

“I’m not exactly sure. I came home from rehearsals to check on her. She was so excited that you were coming back but she was also nervous as hell. There wasn’t anyway she was going to be able to hide this from you. She was stressing out over your reaction. When I walked in she was lying on the floor passed out. I couldn’t wake her so I called the ambulance. Now….I guess we have to wait to find out from her doctor.”

 

Matt and Arthur sit in silence for some time. Matt is letting all that Arthur has told him sink in; Arthur is hoping that he hasn’t ruined a friendship, Matt’s or Alex’s.   Arthur stays with him as the doctor explains Alex’s condition. They share their concern with each other as the doctor explains that Alex is in a coma. The doctor can’t be sure how temporary this is or if in fact it is permanent. The one piece of cheerful news the doctor shares is that the baby is doing well.

 

Arthur stays next to him all night as they both sit vigil beside her bed. At some point Matt falls asleep with his hand in her hand and his head resting next to it. Arthur somehow sleeps sitting up in the most uncomfortable plastic chair.

 

After the doctor makes his rounds Arthur apologizes but he needs to get to rehearsals.   Matt insists he goes. Before he leaves Matt again thanks him for being there for Alex when he couldn’t be. He takes from his suitcase his toiletries and a few clothes before Arthur takes it back to their flat.

 

Nearly everyday Arthur stopped by usually bringing Matt fresh clothes or a proper meal. If he didn’t come by he would call or text to see if there were any changes. Matt can’t believe how unbelievably wonderful Arthur has been through all of this. He and Alex, and his son were lucky to have him as their friend.

 

Matt wakes feeling his sweaty face plastered to the side of the isolette. Looking around he tries to determine how long he had been asleep. Catching sight of his baby boy all other thoughts flee from his mind. ‘His and Alex’s baby!’ He was still trying to get his mind around that. He had resigned himself that they would never have children. He had accepted that as a consequence of loving Alex. It was unbelievable to him that they were a family, a proper family.

 

As he touched his son’s tiny little hand through the opening he remembered his dream, he remembered how much he owed Arthur for Alex, for his baby, and for himself. He smiled at himself while talking to his son, “I think I know just how to let him know how important he is to all of us.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Alex awoke she reached out for Matt but he wasn’t there. She began to cry out but Nicola was instantly by her side calming her down. “Hey there sis! It’s ok, I’m here.”

 

Alex looks at her warily, her mind jumbled trying to separate the dreams from reality. ‘Was this reality?’ “Matt?” She asks tentatively.

 

“Don’t worry, he hasn’t gone far.” Nicola pats her sister’s arm. “He’s down with the little guy in NICU.”

 

Alex breathes deeply. ‘It wasn’t a dream. This is really happening. Matt and I ….were married …..we have a baby’ A huge smile transforms her face.

 

“Now there’s my sister. It’s good to see you smiling again.”

 

“Nicola, Matt ….and I …were married!”

 

Nicola giggles at her. “I know love, I was at the wedding.”

 

Alex stares at her. “I think…think I remember …..I don’t know it’s all a little fuzzy. I had these dreams, they seemed so real. It’s hard to know what was a dream and what is really real.”

 

Her sister listens as she babbles on.   It feels so good to hear her voice again after the silence that had permeated every corner of this room for so long.

 

“You know sister dear you have some pretty amazing men in your life. Matt has been here since the day they brought you in. He hasn’t left your side. No matter how much we tried he refused to leave the hospital. Lynne was beyond worried for him, and you.”

 

“He’s been here the whole time?” Her sister nods. “For three months?!?”

 

“Yes. He spent most of his day in this chair reading to you. About a week into it the nurses took pity on him and brought in a cot for him to sleep on.” She pointed to the one in the corner of the room. This is the longest he’s been out of this room in months and it’s so he can keep vigil next to another bed, your son’s.” Alex is thinking about this, picturing Matt here day after day. She can’t believe he stayed.

 

Sensing her thoughts, Nicola takes her hand, “He’s a good man Alex. I think you need to accept that he loves you beyond reason, and that he’s not going anywhere.”

 

“Of course I know he loves me.” Alex protests.

 

“No, I mean really loves you as in not leaving, not walking away when things get hard. I think, no I believe he’s a keeper Alex. He proved himself to me these past months in ways Ralph and Florian never would have.” Alex watches her quietly, thinking. “You might not have any choice now.”

 

Confused she asks, “Choice? Choice about what?”

 

“About being happy. I think you’re just going to have to be happy.”

 

Small tears started to run down her cheeks as her sisters words gave her permission to let go of the walls, the barriers around her heart. For so long she protected it, even from Matt. It was hard not to, it was habit, it was necessary for most of her adult life. She had never expected her and Matt; it had taken her by surprise how strongly she felt for him and always feared that he couldn’t feel the same way for her. So even after they were married she protected herself, keeping so many feelings hidden.  

 

As she lays there turning to look out at the sunshine making an appearance she realizes that deep down that is why she didn’t tell Matt about the baby. She had told herself that she didn’t want him to leave his filming and hurt his career. But the real truth, if she’s really honest with herself was that she thought he _wouldn’t_ leave the filming. That he would have chosen his career over her, and their child. ‘How could she have had so little faith in him, in us?’

 

Looking back to Nicola, “I didn’t think I could trust it, trust him.” She speaks so quietly, almost a whisper.

 

He sister tightens her hold on her hand, “And now you know you can!”

 

A smile so bright it makes her eyes sparkle transforming her face. “Yeah, I do.”

“And I have another little guy too. Have you seen his picture?” She reaches over to the nightstand for Matt’s phone.

 

Patting her hand, “Yes sweetie I have. I was the one who took them. I have also been by his bedside in NICU while you and Matt were getting ‘reacquainted’.”

 

“Oh! Tell me about him.” She looks at her sister anxiously.

 

“Sorry love, this your own story, it can’t be told, it’s gotta be lived.”

 

“What? No fair using my character’s words against me!”

 

Nicola laughs. “I’m sure they will let you see him soon. Besides when I was talking about the men in your life I hadn’t included the little guy yet, although he is pretty spectacular too.”

 

“Then who else?”

 

“Arthur.”

 

Alex tries to remember Arthur in reality, separate from the dreams she had while in the coma. “If I remember correctly didn’t Arthur end up moving in with me?”

 

“Yes, he did. The poor man was doing rehearsals all day and then checking on you each night. He was still living in a hotel room. When he mentioned that he needed to find a place for the duration of the play; you suggested he stay with you. I have to say I was greatly relieved. I couldn’t keep tabs on you all the way from Surrey. Did you know he called me everyday with an update on you?”

 

“He did?”

 

“Yes. He knew how worried I was about you having a baby at your age and with Matt away…” Her voice trailed off as she left her sister’s side to suddenly look out the window.

 

Looking over to her sister, she can see how much her being in the hospital has worried her. It has probably completely disrupted her family’s lives as well. “Nicola, I’m alright. It’s going to be alright.”

 

Batting away the tears that were already staining her cheeks she turns from the window staring at her sister. “But we didn’t know that Alex. For a long time we didn’t know. We could have lost you……..and the baby. We just didn’t know.”

 

Alex opens her arms to invite her sister into them. Nicola wastes no time going to her, feeling her embrace for the first time in months. They both cry together until they are comforted from their closeness. “I’m sorry I worried you.” Alex coos into the top of her head.

 

“Yes, well….” She sits up to look her in the eye. “Just don’t do it again!”

 

They both laugh. “I promise. I will do my best. God Nicola, three months? Three months I have been in this bed, and this hospital.”

 

“Yeah and having your men worshiping at your bedside everyday. Honestly, how can you still look gorgeous and be in a coma? It’s just _not fair_!!”

 

“Men? Who besides Matt?”

 

“Well Arthur for one. He still came to check on you everyday. When his play started it had to be during the day since he was working nights.”

 

“Everyday? Really?”

 

“Well someone had to keep Matt sane, and bring him clean clothes. He said he couldn’t stay away. I swear I think deep down he really does believe he’s your dad.” They both giggled.

 

“My goodness. I have a lot to make up for don’t I. Matt, Arthur, you… “

 

“Just take care of yourself …….and the little guy. Then it will have all been worth it.”

 

Alex smiles as she thinks about her baby ……and Matt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As if on cue, Matt pops his head into the room. “Hey Alex, are you up for visit from a special someone?” He was grinning at her, his eyes wild with excitement, as he tried to keep himself still but failed miserably.

 

She was about to say she wasn’t up to any visitors when she realized that his level of enthusiasm and the words ‘special someone’ could only mean their son.

 

“He’s here?” Matt was nodding frantically. “Yes! Yes! Bring me my baby!” She quickly adjusts herself in the bed her eyes never leaving the doorway as Matt steps aside allowing a nurse to wheel in the small cot containing her child.

 

She strains to see him from her bed until Matt carefully lifts him and places him in her arms. He sits next to her helping to hold him. He knows she is still weak from the coma.

 

She is transfixed by him. ‘He’s really real.’ Matt has one arm around Alex, the other helping to support the baby as they both can’t stop staring at their little miracle. Neither of them notices Nicola slipping past them to retrieve the phone and take some family photos.

 

Her finger strokes his cheek as she notices that he has Matt’s eyes. “He has your eyes.” She says quietly.

 

Surprised, “Oh so he does. I hadn’t realized, he’s mostly had his eyes closed. But I definitely think he got your hair. Look at all that hair already.” She runs her fingers through his short curly locks. “Most of the other babies in NICU are all bald!” They chuckle.

 

“Ah but definitely your chin.” She strokes her finger along it.

 

“Poor fella.” Matt sighs.

 

“Why? I’ve always loved your chin.” She reaches over and strokes his as she had done their son’s. He presses a kiss into her curls tugging her a little closer to him.

 

“You know he’s going to need a name.”

 

“I’ve been thinking about that. Do you have anything in mind?” She asks.

 

“Yeah I do. What do you think about Rory Arthur Smith?”

 

She takes in a breath. “Oh my god, that is what I was thinking. Only I was going with Arthur Rory Smith.”

 

“That might be a bit confusing since we already have an Arthur, and wouldn’t it be kind of weird for them to have the same first name since he’s not his dad?” They continued to fawn over their son. “Besides Arthur’s ego is going to be big enough as it is that were naming him after him without going too far.” He added.

 

Alex chuckles. “I like it.” She coos to her son. “What do you think? Do you want to be known as Rory Arthur Smith?” The baby giggles at them. Sneaking a peak at Matt, “I think it’s unanimous.”

 

At least ten minutes pass before they notice Arthur standing in the doorway taking in the sight of the new family in front of him. Alex sees him first. “Arthur! Come here we want you to meet someone.” He sidles up next to the bed peering over Matt’s shoulder at their little bundle.

 

“We’d like you to meet Rory Arthur Smith.” Arthur’s jaw drops, his whole face is in utter surprise.

 

“You…you named him after me?”

 

“Who else mate?” He takes his son from Alex’s arms to present him to Arthur. “Can’t think of anyone else more devoted to him, even before he was born, than his godfather.

 

Arthur was trying to not let on how much this was affecting him but his eyes betrayed him as tears slipped down his cheeks. “Oh, I was going to be so cool.”

 

“Crying with your godchild in your arms……definitely cool….. Dad!”

 

 

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> So anyways I have been toying with this idea for a while now. It's taken a while for it to become fully realized. I was hoping to post for my birthday but celebrations got carried away.....so here you are a day late.


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